


Escape -My picket fence book 1-

by tay_tay19



Series: My picket fence [1]
Category: Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, The Academy Is...
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Foster Care, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 19:12:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 32,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2633024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tay_tay19/pseuds/tay_tay19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan feels trapped. The panic attacks he's suffered all his life are getting worse and worse and so is his fathers abuse. The only solace he finds is with his best friend Spencer. Until he crosses paths with Brendon and the two boys discover more and more about each other every day and Ryan is able to escape from his past and from his disorder.</p><p>Sorry I really suck at summaries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Always cold

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this story on wattpad first and I decided to post it on here as well. I'm not stealing it I promise. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this story.

=Ryan's pov=

"It's to cold out" I complain to myself as I trudge towards my school. Its honestly not that cold out of course, but i'm almost always cold. My best friend, Spencer, says that its because I'm so skinny. He's probably right, I'm extremely skinny for a seventeen year old boy. I stand across the street from my school waiting for the light to change. A few of the other students around gave me weird looks. 'that's okay, I'm used to it' I tell myself. I've always been different, and I'm okay with that. I'm wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a layered black shirt with red and black stripped sleeves. The light changes and I make my way across the street gripping the strap of my messenger bag tightly.

I've never been a fan of school, but then again who is. The long plain white hallways, pack full of students who push their way through without caring about the people around them, make me feel trapped. I stay near the wall trying to get to my locker. I feel my heart rate pick up and take deep breaths to try and relax myself. It would only make things worse if I had attack now. I find my locker and struggle to put in the combination, of course it sticks. I bang on the locker and regret it as pain shoots up my arm. I forgot about that. I glance around to make sure that no one is paying any attention to me. Ha! yeah like anyone would pay me any mind. I pull back my sleeve a bit is examine the dark purple bruise wrapping around my wrist. It's swollen... but I don't think its broken or anything.

"Ry!" is the only warning I get before Spencer is next to me throwing his arm around my neck. I quickly pull my sleeve back down and look at him with a smile on my face. "Morning Spence" I say with a forced cheerfulness. The smile leaves his face as he looks at me. "what's wrong?" He asks. God how does he always know when I'm lying. "I can't get my locker open" I say, at least i'm not lying this time. "that sucks. did you try hitting it?" he asks with a yawn. "yeah, no luck" I say with a shrug. "oh man!" Spence suddenly yells "I have to see mr Frederick about my grade on the last test." He runs off without another word. I turn my back to my locker and look around, happy to see that the halls have begun to clear up. I should be able to make it to class without much of a problem. 

Suddenly the doors at the end of the hallway fly open and most of the conversations in the hall stop. I don't have to look to know why. I don't have to... but I do. I face the door and watch as he walks in, a big beautiful smile on his lips, his beautiful brown eyes sparkling with energy. I'm staring at him, I know I am. I do it every morning. He walks into the school like he owns the place, which he pretty much does since his dad is the superintend ant. God how can someone be that hot. His brown hair falls perfectly into place. I wonder what it would feel like to run my hand thro- no no I can't think like that or I might have an attack. I watch as he walks past me, suddenly our eyes meet and a grin spreads across his face and he winks at me. Oh my goodness, Brendon freaking Urie just winked at me. My heart begins to Pound in my chest and It becomes hard for me to breath. I run down the hall and into the boys bathroom locking myself in a stall. Holy shit, I think as I struggle to compose myself.


	2. Mr Perfect

[Brendon's Pov]

'School starts way to early' I think to myself as I get out of my car and head towards the school. Some people call out greetings as I walk past, I respond with a simple nod, I don't even think I know any of them, or maybe I do... Ah who cares. They'll probably get all excited and blow even a simple nod out of proportion. I can already imagine them telling their friends excitedly, oh my gosh Brendon said hi to me this morning can you believe it. I chuckle to myself at the thought as I reach the building.

I always make sure that I arrive at school with just enough time to get to my class, so I usually have to park way out at the end of the lot. I could easily have someone save an awesome spot for me, but I kind of like the walk from my car to school, it gives me time to think, time to prepare myself for the act. You see I've got this image to keep. I have to be what my parent's expect me to be so that my mom doesn't spiral back into the pit of depression that consumes her. She wants me to be outgoing and popular, with perfect grades and a perfect record. She wants be to play sports (baseball, less chances of hurting my beautiful face) and go to parties. So I do all this to make sure she's happy. It's the reason I was born. I'm not Brendon Boyd Urie in my families eyes, I'm Jackson 2.0. I exist to replace a brother who died long before I was born. 

In all honesty I don't like being this way. I can't be myself, I can never be myself. The me that everyone sees is fake. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I really have my own personality at all. I stop outside the doors and take a deep breath of the cool fall air. 'Time to put on a show' I tell myself before throwing both doors open and striding into the school. As expected throwing the doors open caused all eyes to turn to me. I walk towards my class calling out greetings. My eyes scanning the crowd, and I see him. Just like always he stands with his back to his locker. His big brown eyes locked solely on me. His eyes are beautiful and piercing. I feel like he's looking right through the wall I've built up around me and it causes a shiver to run down my side. I wink at him and suppress a laugh as he turns different shades of red and leans back against his locker his jaw open in shock. I wonder what he would do if I suddenly pushed him up against the lockers and kissed him. I wonder if his lips are as soft as they look. 

I force myself to look forward, I guess I do have a bit of my own personality after all. Because of course Mr perfect, Jackson 2.0 would never have those kinds of thoughts about another guy. Jackson 2.0 should be flirting with the cheerleaders, he should be dating a girl he can bring home to his parents. He definitely shouldn't find himself dreaming of being with a guy... But I do. In my defense he does look a bit like a girl, with his skinny jeans and the eyeliner that circles his eyes. Not to mention his adorable face. 

I lean against the wall outside my classroom, the teacher isn't even here yet, and close my eyes. I chuckle to myself, I don't even know the kids name and I can't stop thinking about him. I'll definitely have to avoid him if I don't want to keep thinking this way. 'Then why did you wink at him you idiot!' I yell at myself. I wonder if I really will be able to keep my hands off him. Suddenly I feel arms around my waist. I open my eyes and frown, its not like I was hoping it would be that kid. "Hello Natalia" I say to the blonde girl clinging to me. She grins and presses her lips against mine. 'That's right... she's my girlfriend. I should focus on her or she might suspect something' I put my hands on her hips and kiss back. 

"Mr Urie, Miss Gordon Separate yourselves. You know public displays of affection are not allowed" Ms Gaspa to the rescue. I let Natalia go and move away from her a bit. She pouts but I don't really care, Natalia's a horrible kisser. "Sorry Ms G." I say with my signature grin. Ms Gaspa rolls her eyes and says , "Get in the classroom Brendon, and Miss Gordon get to your class." Natalia gives me another quick kiss before running off down the hallway. I resist the urge to wipe my lips and go into the classroom. I plop down into my usual seat and take out my homework and notes. I'm not that smart and its nearly impossible for me to focus, but I need good grades so I have to work twice as hard. I have to be Jackson 2.0. Sometimes I wonder if Jackson really was as perfect as my mom says. My sister's and Dad never say anything different, but I know they don't want to upset Mom anymore than I do, and bad mouthing Jackson is definitely the way to make her so upset she wouldn't get out of bed for a week. Guess I'll always have to be Mr Perfect.


	3. What the hell happened to you.

[Ryan's POV]

I sit on the floor of my closet with my back against the door, and my knees pulled up to my chest. I know I'm shaking but I can't stop. The sound of yelling can be heard from downstairs. I want to see what's going on but I'm to terrified to move. Something crashes and a door slams shut cutting off the yelling. I sit, listening to the silence as it quickly fills me with dread. Who left... I'm not really sure if I believe in God, but just incase I squeeze my eyes shut and pray. 'Please please please let it be him that left please' I silently beg. The house is still silent. I'm here alone with whoever stayed. Footsteps begin to echo through the house. 'Please please let it be my mom' I beg again. Its pointless, I already know its not. The footsteps are to heavy, to angry. They're coming closer to my room. 'Why did you hide in the closet! you should have left. Gone to Spencer's, told him the truth. If you had just told the truth this wouldn't keep happening' The voice in my head scolds. I know that already... I know that if I told this would all go away, but I'm scared.

"Ryan!" His voice echos through the house. "get out here you fag!" I don't answer him. I just wait, hoping he'll think I'm not home, knowing that it wont be safe to leave the closet for hours. I wish I had brought food. I hear him enter my room and my body tense's up. If he finds me I'm dead. It becomes harder for me to breath as I listen to him riffle around my room, the idea of him going through my belongings makes me sick. I struggle to fight against the panic building inside me, my stomach churns and threatens to empty itself. I can't throw up now. He'd hear for sure, god why is he taking so long. 

His footsteps stop outside my closet and I hold my breath. 'Don't open the door' I repeat over and over in my head hoping that somehow it will keep him from it. Suddenly he grips the handle and the door swings open. I fall backwards and land at his feet. Oh god no.

 

[Brendon's POV]

I sit on the hood of my car in the empty parking lot of a local park. No one comes here anymore so I use it to get away from things. I lay back against the windshield and take a long drag from my cigarette. My parents think I'm out with some friends. My friends think I'm home with my parents. Wouldn't want anyone to know that Mr Perfect smokes like a chimney. Speaking of, I flick away the finished cigarette and sit up reaching for the box and my lighter. 

An ambulance speeds past its sirens blaring, reminding me of how close the hospital is. That's why this park is so safe. No one in my family will come close to the hospital. They'd drive five miles out of their way just to avoid the last place Jackson was alive. I'm supposed to avoid it too. A scuffling sound interupts my thoughts and I jump to my feet quickly flinging the cigarette away. Someone else is here. I turn towards the sound and gasp. It's him. 

He's walking across the parking lot, his messy brown hair is in front of his eyes and we walks with a limp. I can't help but watch him. Something is definitely wrong. He sways with each step he takes. I wait for him to notice me but he doesn't. As he gets closer I notice that his clothes are disheveled. God I wish I had tried to learn his name. I stand in front of him and he bumps into me. He looks up and his eyes widen. I wait for the him to react more but he doesn't. He just looks up at him with sadness in his eyes.

I can't stand it, I step closer to him and wrap my arms around him. He so much skinnier than I expected and ice cold. He presses his face against my chest and sobs. 'What the heck happened to him' I think to myself. I'm all that's holding him up now. I hold onto him and sit on the hood of my car, pulling him onto my lap. He curls up against me holding on tightly to my shirt. "H...hey kid" I say moving his bangs from his face. He looks up at me, god he's looks like a beaten puppy. "you... you're Brendon Urie..." He says as he returns to his senses. He sits up weakly and stares at me. "I am!?" I gasp. My attempt at humor seems to work and he laughs a bit. "well you know my name. So what's yours?" 

"It's Ryan... Ryan Ross" He says his voice almost a whisper. "Well Ryan Ross, what the hell happened to you?" I ask.


	4. What just happened?

[Ryan's pov]

I groan as I wake up, my whole body is sore and my head is pounding. The room I'm in is dark and I can't remember where I am. I force myself to sit up and look around as my eyes adjust. It definitely isn't my room, or Spence's. A clock next to the bed shows that it's just after three in the morning. "What happened...?” I say to myself. Someone stirs next to me, but who... Why can't I remember what happened. My head starts to throb again. That's right... he found me, he must have hit my head... what happened after that is still a complete blank. I start to lay back down when a light turns on outside the room that I'm in. With the bit of light that comes in under the door I'm able to see who is next to me.

I gasp as I stare at him, at Brendon. 'Holy shit I’m in Brendon Urie's bed' I think as I continue to stare. I don't know how or why I'm there but I am. He looks so peaceful sleeping beside me. His brown hair falls in his face and his lips are slightly parted. I feel his breath on me each time he exhales. I can't resist, I reach forward and gently run my fingers over his cheek, once I'm sure that he hasn't woken up I continue. My fingers brush against his lips and I’m surprised by how soft they are. I suddenly realize how close I've gotten to him, our faces just barely a centimeter apart. I stare at his lips thinking about how it would be so easy to kiss him right now, to feel his soft full lips against my own. I move my hand away and touch my lips against his lightly.

"What are you doing?" He asks suddenly. I move away from him quickly, but I go too far, my body leaves the bed and hits the floor with a loud thud. I can't help but cry out in pain. "Oh shit Ryan" Brendon says sitting up. I lay still willing the pain to go away. I have no idea what to say, he caught me kissing him... Didn't he? "Ryan, say something" He says. I still can't say anything. He's going to hate me; he's going to call me a freak. I squeeze my eyes shut as they fill with tears. Brendon reaches onto his nightstand and turns the lamp on then gets up. I can't resist, I open my eyes and look at him. My eyes widen, he's only wearing boxers.

Brendon leans down holding out his hand to me. "Come on man I'm too tired to carry you anymore" He says. "How did I get here?" I ask taking his hand hesitantly. He pulls me to my feet and I squeeze my eyes shut once again. Brendon helps me sit on the bed once again. "I brought you" He says simply. I glance at him once again then down at myself. I don't recognize the clothes I'm wearing, they must be his. That means he changed my clothes... my face feels warm as I think about it. Brendon's sitting next to me now, watching me curiously. "How... I thought I was..." I can't tell him I thought I was home... I look at him.

He leans closer to me, looking into my eyes. I feel like he's searching for something in them, something I don't want to be seen. I force myself to look away from him. "Hey Ryan" He says, god I love the way my name sounds from his mouth. Brendon places a hand on my cheek and forces me to look at him. His eyes are burning into me, my whole body feels hot.

I don't know what happened. One second I'm sitting there talking to him, the second we're kissing. I don't know who kissed who, but it's happening. He puts his hands on my hips and pulls me closer, then he bites down on my bottom lip and a shiver runs through my body, a moan escapes my lips and he chuckles a bit before pulling away. What am I doing? I ask myself, Oh man, what if this is some sort of joke. It's a Friday night; he's the most popular guy in school. There’s no way he would be home. This has got to be some kind of joke. Maybe someone's watching or he's recording it. What if everyone sees that I kissed him? The whole school-

"You were walking" He says suddenly, breaking me from my thoughts. I look anywhere but at him. I need to get away so I can calm down. Just keep talking normally, I tell myself. "I was walking..." I say shakily. He's going to think I'm crazy. "Yeah, I was near the hospital. I thought that was where you were headed." He says. I blink and look at him. There is nothing near the hospital. Just empty lots and abandoned buildings... why would he be there? Why was I going to the hospital... geez I really must have hit my head hard. I swallow before I speak again. "So why am I here?" I ask. "I told you I brought you. You could barely walk and you were crying. I could hardly leave you alone. Especially when you passed out on me"

"I passed out?" I close my eyes trying to remember but the ache in my head makes thinking hard, I can feel the panic building inside me. "Yeah, I asked you what happened and you didn't answer, so I said I was taking you to the hospital and you freak out... and then you passed out and I brought you here" He runs his hand through his hair. “W…where is here?” I ask. “This is my sister’s house. You told me not to take you to the hospital, but you needed help… So I brought you here. Her husband is a doctor.” He explains. For the first time I notice that I’ve got bandages wrapped around my arm.

[Brendon’s pov]

What just happened? I’ve got no idea what the hell is going on anymore… I can barely focus on his questions without thinking. When I woke up he was touching my face, and it felt good. I loved the feeling of his fingers against my skin, and then he kissed me. It should have felt weird or wrong, but it didn’t. I liked the feeling. We kissed twice… and when I moved away he looked scared. Even as we sit here talking I can tell that something’s bothering him. He’s sitting with his knees pulled tight to his body, hugging them tight. I can see that he’s still shaking. “What happened?” I ask, reaching out to touch his cheek. He flinches away from me.

 

What the hell. Just a few minutes ago he was more than happy to be near me. He touched me first. Why the hell is this guy confusing me so much? Maybe I’m just tired… yeah that must be it. “why did you help me” Ryan asks. I look at him and frown. “That’s a weird question” I say. Ryan frowns and messes a loose string on the bandage wrapped around his arms, the bandage that covers his scars. “It’s late or early… I’m not sure. Either way we should get some more sleep. I say turning the light back off. Ryan doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t move. “hello earth to Ryan” I say. Still not saying anything he lays down next to me, pulling the blanket up over his head. With a sigh I pull him into my arms and hold him close. “just relax and trust me Ryan” He nods and presses himself against me. Right now he seems so small and scared, I want to protect him. I run my fingers through his soft brown hair and begin to sing quietly. He stops trembling and buries his face in the crook of my neck. It’s not long before his breathing slows. I press my lips against his forehead. “I’ll protect you from whatever is scaring you” I whisper before drifting off to sleep myself.


	5. You need to move

[Ryan's Pov]

"Earth to Ryan!" Spencer yelled. I blinked a few times and looked up from my lunch tray. "Sorry Spence did you say something?" I asked. He sighed and shook his head at me. "I've been talking for the past ten minutes. Is something up? You’re a lot more out of it than usual." He asked. I wasn't sure how to answer him. I hated to lie to him, but I'm not sure what I should tell him. It's been nearly a week since I spent the night at Brendon's and we hadn't spoken since. He brought me home the next morning and that was the last I heard from him. It was driving me crazy. What if it meant nothing to him? What if he doesn't want anything to do with me? I hold my head in my hands and take a deep breath. I have to stop myself now... I can't have another attack.

"Ry what is going on with you?" Spencer asks placing his hand gently on my shoulder. I take a few more deep breaths before looking up at him. "I um... I'm alright Spence. I'm just tired" I lie.

"Yeah if you say so." He looks away from me quickly but not before I see the hurt in his eyes, he gathers his things and leaves the cafeteria. I hate lying to him, he's always been there for me but I always lie to him. I'm such a horrible friend. I don't deserve his friendship. I can understand why Brendon doesn't want anything to do with me. Who would? I'm a bad person. I pick up the soda I got from the vending machine and notice my hands have begun to shake. 'Calm down Ryan' I tell myself. I open the drink and right away it explodes, covering me and my food in the orange liquid. I stand up quickly and attempt to wipe it off my shirt. I'm going to be sticky for the rest of the day. Laughter fills the cafeteria as people realize what happened. I look up and see most of the cafeteria staring at me. 'Not good' I think. I can feel it now. The panic is starting to fill me. Soon I won’t be able to hide it.

'I need to get away' I think, willing myself to move, but I'm frozen in place. Everyone is looking now, they're talking about me. My eyes scan the room looking for anything that will help me. And then I see him, Brendon is sitting on the other side of the cafeteria at the popular kids table. He's risen from his chair and is staring at me. I lock onto his eyes, forcing myself to focus on nothing but him. I can see that he's struggling with something. I see his lips move, he's mouthing something. I focus on them and try to figure it out. "you need to move" He's telling me to move. I know he's talking to me because no one around him reacts to his words. 'He cares' I think. This thought seems to be enough and I'm able to grab my bag and run from the cafeteria. I run down a hallway not really focusing on where I'm going. Ahead of me I see a door slightly propped open. I go into the room and look around.

The room that I've entered is a classroom, and thankfully it's empty. I drop my bag on the floor and sink to my knees as the panic attack hits me full on. I gasp for breath as the panic consumes me and my eyes fill with tears. My whole body is trembling now. My stomach rolls and I manage to pull a garbage can closer before it empties itself repeatedly.

The door squeaks as it opens. I want to look up to see who is here but I don’t trust my body. The person kneels next to me and rubs my back soothingly. I don’t know who it is but I’m glad they’re there. Once I’m sure that there’s nothing left for me to throw up I push the garbage can away and look up. His soft brown eyes look into mine as he wraps his arms around me, pulling me onto his lap. I curl up against his chest and bury my face in his shirt, sobbing. “shh it’s okay Ryan, it’s okay. I’ve got you” Brendon says softly pressing his lips against the top of my head. I hold on tightly to his shirt trying my hardest to stop crying. I’m afraid he’ll get tired of this and push me away, but he doesn’t. He holds me tightly and continues to speak in a soothing voice. I begin to relax, loving the feeling of being in his arms. 'what is it about him that makes me feel so safe?'

[Brendon's POV]

I saw him across the cafeteria. His brown eyes were wide with fear as he scanned the room. It had been almost a week since I last talked to him; I longed to hold him again. 'Look at me. Please look at me' I silently begged him. As though he heard me his eyes met my own. My friends were all looking at him and laughing, no one paid me any attention. "You need to move" I mouthed to him, repeating it slowly. Understanding filled his eyes and he moved grabbing his bag as he ran from the cafeteria. Now I just needed an excuse to follow him.

I sat back down; I hadn't even realized that I had stood up. The kids around me were talking and I had to struggle to focus on what they were saying. "That kid is such a freak" Savannah says. I bite back any comments, Savannah's known my family for a long time I'm sure she would report whatever I said to my parents. They keep trying to get us together. "He's always been really weird right Brendon" She looks at me and flutters her eyelashes, her hand on my arm. "Uh... yeah you're right." I say absently. I quickly scarf down the rest of my food and look at the time on my phone. "Shit I've got to go to the music room" I lie as I gather up my things. "I could come with you" Savannah says. "No it's alright. Enjoy the rest of your lunch." I plant a kiss on her cheek before hurrying out of the cafeteria. That should keep her distracted long enough, now to find Ryan.

I walk around the halls looking for any sign on him, where could he be. I stop walking and look around. The hallway I'm in is completely empty, I'm not even sure this part of the building is being used, which makes absolutely no sense. Faintly I can hear the sound of someone sobbing from one of the classrooms. I walk towards the room and look in. There he is. He's kneeling next to a garbage can emptying his stomach. I stand there for a moment nervously. 'What if he doesn't want me around? He's probably mad at me... but he listened to me earlier' I shake my head as I walk into the room and kneel next to him. I'm not sure what to do right now, so I start to rub his back. It seems to help; he leans over the garbage can for a bit longer then pushes it away and turns to face me.

His face is red and tears stream down his face as he looks up at me. 'Damn he's adorable' I can't resist; I wrap my arms around his tiny frame and pull him to me. He doesn't resist like I thought he would, instead he curls up against me and presses his face against my shirt sobbing. I've got to figure out how to calm him down. I rock him gently and whisper to him, "shh it's okay Ryan, its okay. I've got you." I say kissing the top of his head. This seems to help; his trembling slows, so I continue to whisper to him, not really paying attention to what I'm saying. Finally his sobs stop and his breathing slow. I shift him a bit and look down. He takes a deep breath and looks up at me. "It's okay" I whisper once again. He smiles and nods but it doesn't reach his eyes. His beautiful brown eyes are filled with so much sadness.

 

"I..." he starts to talk then looks down. "What is it Ryan?" I ask. I want him to talk. I want to find a way to help him. "Please... don't tell anyone about this" He whispers. I just nod. "What happened?" I ask nodding towards the garbage can. He bites his lip as he thinks. "I had a panic attack..." He finally admits. I don't press him for more information; I can tell he doesn't want to talk about it. I decide to change the subject. "About last week..." I start. He looks up his eyes meeting my own as a blush creeps up his cheeks. I know he's thinking about the kiss. "I...it's okay" He says, his voice barely a whisper "I won't tell anyone about it" I'm thankful for that, but I realize he thinks I regret it. I don't, I enjoyed that kiss, and sleeping next to him. I need him to know how I feel. "Ryan" I say softly. He looks up at him sadly. I know what to do. I lean forward, closing the distance between us, and press my lips against his. He freezes for a moment then relaxes, his eyes close and I feel him press back. I pull him closer to me and bite gently on his bottom lip. He moans softly and I slip my tongue between his lips exploring his mouth, he wraps his arms around me pressing against me. All I can think about is how right this feels.


	6. In your head

[Ryan's pov]

November 30  
A couple weeks have passed since my soda malfunction in the cafeteria. Since then Brendon and I have been secretly meeting each other in the unused classroom every day for lunch. We haven't talked outside of this room. We haven't exchanged phone numbers or emails. We have an unspoken agreement that our relationship doesn't exist outside that room... not that i'm sure we even have a relationship. I'm not sure about anything going on between us. Its driving me insane. I still see Brendon in the halls between class but he always averts his eyes and hurries past me, and it doesn't help that pretty much every girl in school flirts with him. Especially that stupid Savannah Miller. She's always got her grubby little fingers all over my Brendon! sigh I keep doing that... I keep forgetting that he isn't mine.  
Thanksgiving was horrible as always. My dad was drunk and my mom freaked because everything wasn't perfect. I managed to escape to my room before they started. I tried calling Spence but his whole family was in town. I didn't want to ruin his holiday just because I was weak... I had to cut again... I tried not to but my panic attacks kept coming... I suppose in a way its a good thing that Brendon and I have limited contact... He would hate me for sure if he knew about this side of me. Even though I know that the thought of seeing him again makes my whole body buzz with excitement. I wonder if he feels the same way.

[Brendon's pov]  
I pull into the student parking lot a good hour before the doors even open. I don't think I've ever been this early. It's been a whole week since I've seen Ryan and its driving me insane. I don't know what it is about that boy but I can't resist him. When we're together I have to be touching him at all times. Sometimes its just holding hands or hugging, and other times its it takes all our willpower to keep our clothes on.

I clothes my eyes and think about him. How his small frame feel pressed against my own, his lips pressed against mine as our tongues explore each others mouths. I feel my pants tighten as I remember how his cold hands find their way under my shirt touching every inch and then stopping when they reach my pants. godIwant him.

[Ryon's POV]  
I got to school early today. I'll have to sit around for a while but I don't mind to much since I can just find a spot and listen to my music until the doors open, any things better than breakfast with my parents. I step around the corner and blink in surprise.  
There's a car in the parking lot, someone was actually here before me. My eyes widen in shock as I get closer to it's not just a car its his car. I look around to make sure we're alone then rush over. I can see him through the passenger window, his eyes are closed he must be resting. I grab the door handle and pull it open, praying he won't be mad at me for breaking our rule.  
The car door swings open easily and I look at him shocked. His eyes shoot open quickly and he smiles when he sees its me. I stare at him, his pants are pulled down and his hand is around his... I quickly slam the door shut again and turn my back to the car. 'oh my gosh oh my gosh' I think, 'I just saw his... he was just' I cover my face with my hands in embarrassment. I shouldn't have broken the rule.  
I hear the door open and then clothes. 'how am I going to face him after that' I think. I don't have time to consider my options before he's in front of me. I stare down at my shoes. "Ryan" he says with a laugh. I glance up at him and take a deep breath. I missed him this past week. "h... hi..." I manage to stutter. He glances around the parking lot then closes the distance between us, pressing his lips against mine. Before I can react he moves back again.  
"I was just thinking about you" He says with his gorgeous half smile. My eyes widen when I realizes what he means.

[Brendon's POV]  
"I was just thinking about you" I say flashing him my signature smile. I have to struggle not to laugh as his face turns bright red and his adorable brown eyes grow even bigger. He attempts to respond but he's stuttering so much I can't make heads or tail of it. I take this chance to look him over. He's wearing a pair of worn black converse and maroon skinny jeans. He's wearing a jacket that's several sizes to big and has a scarf wrapped around his neck. He's got eye liner around his eyes that make them stand out even more. He's so adorable, and he's shaking like a leaf.

"its freezing out here" I say before opening the back door of my car. "in you go" I smile at him. He seems hesitant at first but after casting another glance around he climbs in. I can't resist myself as I reach out and pinch his behind gently. He turns round quickly and looks at me. I climb into the car, scooting him over, and close the door. He sits besides me with his arms crossed tightly he seems nervous. I wonder if its because we're not in the classroom. I lean into the front seat and turn the heat up. Glancing in the rearview mirror I can't help but grin, his eyes are trained on my butt this time. "see something you like Ross?" I tease as I sit back down next to him. He blushes and looks down at his hands again. "shut up urie" he mutters. "why don't you make me" I challenge. He looks up at me his face still red from the earlier incidents. "what's going on in that head of yours?" I ask as I brush a strand of his hair from his face. He hesitates before answering "are you mad at me?" he asks looking everywhere but at me. "why would I be mad at you?" He pulls at the sleeve of his jacket. "because I didn't wait til lunch" he says so quietly I almost don't hear. "how's this for an answer" I say as I pull him close to me and press my lips against his neck, biting him gently. He moans in response and I smile as his hands grip my shirt.


	7. Perfect

[Brendon's POV]

I laid in the backseat on my car with my hands behind my head. The radio is playing but I'm not paying any attention to it. The only thing I can focus on is Ryan. He's laying on me with his eyes closed as his fingers slowly trace circles on my bare chest. We didn't do anything, unfortunately. We got close, but Ryan made us stop when I tried to take his shirt off him... I lay there wondering why... Until that point it seemed like he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I look down at him and smiled when I saw his soft brown eyes looking into my own, he looks worried so I put my hand on his cheek and pull his face to mine, "Its okay" I say softly before pressing my lips against his. He smiles into the kiss and presses back.   
I think about the night I brought him to my sisters house. He was so light when I carried him into the house and his whole body shook. My brother-in-law, Jon, took his shirt off him to treat his wounds... and I saw the scars that covered his arms from his wrists to his elbows... those scars... I wanted to cry when I saw them. Until that point I had thought he was always smiling and happy, that's how he always seemed during the brief moments that I saw him in the hallway. Those scars... I wonder if that's why he wouldn't let me take his shirt off him.

I sit up quickly, surprising him. "Brendon?" he asks? "Ryan" I respond sliding my hand under his shirt. He sits there looking up at me curiously. I start to pull his shirt off him and his eyes widen. He tries to pull it back down.

"Ryan I know" I say calmly. He freezes his eyes filled with fear. "Brendon I..." He starts. I cut him off by kissing him. Hesitantly he raises his arms allowing me to pull his shirt off him. He hugs himself tightly refusing to look me in the eye. I hold onto his wrist and pull it away from his body. His eyes start to tear up as I look at the scars. I wipe them away and then lift his arm kissing each scar. "B...Brendon" he says quietly. "you're perfect" I say as a tear escape from my own eyes. "you're perfect and beautiful and so amazing"

[Ryan's POV]

"you're perfect and beautiful and so amazing" Brendon says. Tears stream freely down my face as I stare at him. He's so kind... I wonder what he would do if he knew how wrong he was.

My phone starts to ring in my back pocket playing Spencer's favorite Blink-182 song. Brendon wraps his arm around me and pulls my phone out. He looks at the screen. "Who's Spence?" he asks. "my best friend" I respond. Brendon looks at me then back at my phone as he answers it. "hello Ryan's phone not Ryan speaking" He says with a smile. I lean close so I can hear Spence. "Obviously you're not. Who the fuck is this and why do you have Ryan's phone?" Spencer was always protective of me. I'm sure he has his suspicions about what goes on at my house... "this is anonymous" Brendon jokes. I can't make out what Spence says but he sounds angry so I take my phone back. "Its alright Spencer" I say. Brendon pulls me onto his lap and kisses my neck, causing me to take a deep breath. "what do you mean its alright?" Spence asks "why aren't you at school?" Brendon continues to kiss my neck, nibbling at it. I have to struggle to not respond. "I'm... uh... h...hang on" I move the phone from my ear and place a hand on Brendon's chest moving him back. He pouts and crosses his arms waiting. I put the phone back. "sorry. I am technically at school... just in the parking lot... I uh... i'm probably not going to make it to class today... I'll see you later okay?" I explain. "Who's with you?" he asks. I look at Brendon. He nods a bit and I smile. "I'm with Brendon Urie" I say. "what?" "I'll explain after school" as soon as I finish talking Brendon takes the phone from me "Ryan has to go now" He hangs up the phone and tosses it aside. Before I can react he pulls me over and begins kissing me again.

[Brendon's POV]

I sit in my car and stare at the house. After today I don't want to go home. I'm sure they've already heard that I wasn't at school. They'll question me about it... I can't tell them about Ryan. I can never tell them about Ryan, they wouldn't even except him as being my friend. I put my head on the steering wheel and closed my eyes. I care about Ryan a lot. Today was proof of that. Just a week apart and I didn't want to let him out of my sight... but how long will he be okay with keeping us a secret. His face lit up when I let him tell his friend who I was.

I sit up and run my hands through my hair in frustration. I want everyone to know he's mine. I get out of the car and head to the front door, bracing myself for whatever might be waiting for me on the other side. I open the door and step inside. My father is standing in the foyer with his arms crossed. I swallow and kneel down, taking my time to untie my shoes. "Brendon" he says sternly. I know i'm in trouble since he never calls me by my name except when he's angry. "yes sir?" I ask standing up to face him. "why weren't you in school?" he questions. I can't think of a good enough excuse. "I don't know sir" I lie. He raises his eyebrow. "what do you mean you don't know." he's using his commanding voice. like i'm one of his employees. "I stayed in my car all day. I didn't feel good" I look him in the eye knowing that any hesitation with give away my lie. "I'm very disappointed in you Brendon. you used to be a good kid. now all of a sudden you're skipping school and not coming home at night." he crosses his arms. "it was one night and I was at Judy's house. and I 'm sorry that i'm trying to be myself for a change. I'm Brendon, not Jackson." with that I hurry up the stairs to my room and close the door." that'sgoingtoexplodeinmyfaceI think as I lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I know it's going to get me in a lot of trouble... but I don't care. Today was too perfect for anything to ruin it. my phone vibrates and I take it out of my pocket, a smile spreads across my face as I see the text.

Ryan: miss you already.  
me: miss you too.


	8. Just curious

[Ryan's pov]

"okay explain again" Spence says. I swear i've explained it to him like a million times already, well not really... but it sure as hell feels like it. "Brendon Urie and I have a thing." Spence sits there and seems to contemplate this. Of course he could be thinking about pancakes or something, its hard to tell with Spencer, he's got the worlds best poker face I swear. "so today you and him where..." he asks suddenly. I feel my face warm and i'm sure that i've turned bright red. "n...no we didn't... I mean... we got close... but we didn't..." I manage to stutter out. Spence stares at me like i'm an idiot. "why the hell not?"

I cant help but laugh at this, I don't know why I just start cracking up and pretty soon he does too. We're laying on the floor of his room laughing at nothing. This is one of the reasons I love spencer. Despite his serious looks he can always laugh.

Suddenly everything changes. Spence is leaning over me his lips pressed to mine. ohfuck, I think as he moves back. I sit up and we both sit there staring at each other. "Spence..." I say, trying to think of something to say. I love him I really do, i'm not gonna lie I didn't hate kissing him, but I don't love him that way... How can I explain that to him without hurting him. "huh" he says suddenly causing me to jump. "that was different" he says touching his lips. "what the heck spence?" I ask. "I uh... I mean... I love you.... but um... you're like my brother... so..." he stares at me blinking a few times before he bursts out laughing. I stare at him, I have no idea what's going on anymore. "Calm down Ry. I just wanted to know what it felt like to kiss a guy" he says as he struggles to stop laughing and wipes his eyes. I breathe a sigh of relief, I was afraid I was going to lose my best friend. "god Spence give a guy a warning would you." I scold as I punch his arm. I know he's been curious about his sexuality for a awhile but whenever I offered to help him figure I out before he always declined.

[Spencer's POV]

"I uh... I mean... I love you.... but um... you're like my brother... so..." Ry says the words that I had always been afraid to hear. I was an idiot, why did I kiss him. He just told me he was with someone else. I felt my eyes begin to water so I forced myself to start laughing to hide it. I saw the relief spread over his face as I explained it to him, It hurt.

His phone played the message tone from Kim possible signalling that he had gotten a text. I watched his face light up as he read it. That asshole Brendon i'm sure. Ryan typed a response then lifted his head his eyes meeting mine. "Are you okay Spencer?" he asked. I nodded in response. "okay. I'm gonna head out then" he stood up. I wanted to pull him back down and kiss him again. I wanted to make him see that I was the better choice, that I would yell to the world that I was dating him not hide it just so I could be popular. "going to see your boyfriend I bet" I teased making his face flush red. "what... no I.... yes..." he said looking away. "well get out of here then. you don't want to keep his highness waiting."

Ryan smiled and leaned down planting a kiss on my cheek before running out of my room. I listened as he said goodbye to my mom then waited for the front door to bang shut. When I heard it I finally gave in to the tears that had been threatening to fall.

[Brendon's POV]

I sat on the hood of my car in the empty parking lot, a cigarette between my fingers as I waited. I had to get out of that house. My mother was still upset about me missing school and my sisters wouldn't get off my case about it. It's not like they never skipped school to be with boys, hell that's how Judy and Jon ended up married with a kid. Of course it's also why my dad hates Jon but that's not the point. My sisters weren't perfect, so why did I have to be.

"Brendon!" I looked up at the sound of Ryan's voice and smiled when I saw him running towards me. I flicked my cigarette butt aside and stood up just in time for him to throw himself into my arms, a big grin on his face. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight burying my face in the crook of his neck. Right away everything felt better. Ryan held me just as tightly. I think we both needed this. I lifted my head and pressed my lips against his. I love the way our lips fit together so perfectly, moving together in just the right way. I ran my tongue over his bottom lip and he eagerly parted them letting me in. His hands slid into the back pockets of my jeans as my tongue explored his mouth.

"Holy shit" Another voice said. Ryan and I quickly moved apart and turned toward the speaker. "fuck" I said.


	9. If you say so

[Ryan's POV]

I cringed when Brendon cursed. I don't know why that bothered me more than the fact that someone had just caught us. We both stared at the man that stood before us. I didn't recognize him but Brendon seemed to since his eyes were filled with fear. The man wore a white lab coat, he must have just come from the hospital.

"Brendon, explain now" the man demanded. Brendon shifted his weight from one foot to the other nervously. The man waited patiently for an answer. Brendon ran his hands through his hair causing it to look wild, I fought the urge to fix it. "Jon... I swear to god if you tell Judy what you saw..." Brendon threatened. The man, Jon, crossed his arms and glared at Brendon. I reached out to take Brendon's hand but he moved away, sticking his hands in his pockets. "why the hell would I tell her Brendon? Do I look like an idiot?" Jon said. Brendon shrugged and looked at his feet. "so you swear you won't tell anyone?" he asked again.

Jon groaned and ran his hands through his hair. "I promise not to tell. but you have to tell me what it is I just saw. This is the boy you brought to me a while back isn't he?" he asked. We met? I tried to remember, oh that's right... when I passed out Brendon took me to his brother-in-law. I looked at Brendon wondering what he would say. Should I say something. Brendon looked everywhere but at Jon or I. He couldn't deny there was something, could he? I mean we just got caught making out...

Finally Brendon took a deep breath and looked at Jon. I really wish I could see what he was thinking. "We came here to talk" he says slowly. I can see how tense he is. I wish he would let me touch him. "Ryan suddenly kissed me" He said. I stared at him in shock as the words left his mouth. "I was about to push him off when you showed up. I was really grossed out" I couldn't move. I felt like all the warmth had left my body.

[Brendon's POV]

Jon looked between us a skeptical look on his face. I was afraid he wouldn't believe it. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that Ryan was frozen, why? He had to know that I couldn't tell the truth. Jon sighed and shook his head. "Alright if you say so" he said, "take care of yourself Ryan." Ryan jumped at the mention on his name. He turned his gaze to Jon and gave a stiff nod. Jon looked back at me and shook his head once more before heading back in the direction of the hospital.

Once he was out of sight I sighed in relief and leaned against the car. I took out my cigarettes and held it between my lips as I searched my pockets for the lighter, as I pulled it out Ryan grabbed it from me and threw it. I blinked in surprise. "what was that for?" I asked looking at him. His bangs covered his eyes and his whole body trembled. "take me home" he said quietly. I frowned and stepped closer to him placing my hand on his arm. He jerked away from me.

"Take me home Brendon" he said, his voice cracked as he said my name. He looked so fragile standing there. I wanted to wrap him in my arms and make all his sadness go away. It'smyfault, I think as he turns from me and walks to the passenger seat of my car. I should have said that much. I follow him and catch the door as he tries to pull it closed. "not yet" I say as I press my lips to his. He didn't respond but he didn't move away either, i'm taking that as a good sign. I cup his face in my hand and make him look at me. "Talk to me Ryan" I urged. He met my gaze and I saw the sadness and the hurt in his. "Why... why did you say that stuff?" he asked quietly. I climb in and pull the door closed as I sit on his lap. "I was scared. Ryan i'm sorry... if my sister found out about us then she would tell my dad... i'm afraid of what he'll do to me if he finds out" I said as I looked into his beautiful eyes. His expression changed to one of understanding and his body relaxed. His lifted a hand and placed it against my cheek. "okay..." he said hesitantly before kissing me. I kissed him back running my hands through his hair. "I love you" he said quietly. I almost didn't hear because his words were muffled. I moved back and look down at him. His eyes widened as he realized I heard.

I wasn't sure to respond. I should say it back shouldn't I? hearing it from him made me feel warm like I was being wrapped in a blanket fresh from the dryer. I realized he was still staring at me waiting for me to respond. I opened my mouth to say it back but he pressed his hand over it stopping me. I looked down at him confused. "Don't" he said his voice barely a whisper. "don't say it just because I did." I leaned against his chest and pressed my face against his neck. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me and rubbed by back gently. DoIlovehim? I wondered as I closed my eyes. My heart was screaming yes but my fear kept me from saying it. Just like my fear made me say those things that hurt my Ryan.

We stayed like that for a while longer, until it was time for me to go home. I climbed into the drivers seat and started the car. Ryan buckled his seat belt and watched me as I drove, occasionally giving me directions. When I reached his house I parked on the side of the road and looked at him. "bye Brendon" he said with a small smile. "bye" I replied before leaning over to kiss him. He got out of the car quickly and ran inside. I frowned, was he upset that I didn't say I loved him? He was the one that stopped me. I waited until he was in the house then drove off heading back to the hell that was my home.


	10. Lost and found

[Brendon's POV]

'Where is he' I find my self thinking for the millionth time. It's been nearly two weeks since I last saw Ryan. He hasn't come to school at all and he hasn't answered my calls or texts. How can he just disappear like this? "Brendon did you even hear me?" Natalia asked sounding annoyed. I forgot she was here... She's been away on some family vacation and now that she's back she's insisted on hanging around me more than ever. "no sorry... my mind wandered again" I said. She looked pissed. Hello how am I supposed to pay attention to you when the hotness that is my Ryan is missing. "I asked if you were cheating on me. god Brendon what is wrong with you" she crosses her arms. Cheating on her? yeah I have... how did she find out. No one knows about me and Ryan. 'play it cool Urie' I think. "what makes you think I've been cheating on you?" my voice cracks a bit and I silently curse puberty. "Michelle told me that Savannah was all over you while I was gone and you even kissed her cheek!" oh thank god, I was worried there for a minute. "Natalia you know I would never cheat on you with Savannah." not a total lie, I would never risk my cover for her. "she's just an old friend." she still doesn't look happy, so I lean over and kiss her cheek. "If you're not cheating on me then what is going on with you? you hardly talk to me at all"

"nothing. I've just got a lot on my mind" I should break up with her. its wrong to be cheating on her and there's no way I can break up with Ryan. But if I did my parents would ask to many questions. and they would try even harder to get me with Savannah. I don't know... I want to ask Ryan... where is he... maybe his friend knows, what was his name? oh! It's Spencer! "Brendon!" she yells breaking me from my thoughts. "what" I whine. what is wrong with me today? "I don't know what your problem is but come fine me when you're yourself again" She stands up and storms out of the restaurant.

I take some money out of my wallet and leave it on the table before getting up and walking out of the restaurant. There's still some time before lunch is over. I'll find this Spencer kid and figure out where Ryan is. I hurry across the street, not bothering to wait for the light to change. I hurry to the cafeteria and look around. People where talking loudly and some of my friends called out but I ignored them and continued to scan the crowd. Some mornings before me and Ryan started talking and i'd see him stare at me there was another boy standing next to him. I'm sure that if I saw him again i'd recognize him. I see him sitting at a table in the corner. I hurry across the cafeteria and sit down. He looks up from his book and frowns. "what do you want?" he asked with an annoyed look on his face. "where's Ryan?" I asked crossing my arms. Spencer frowned more and messed with the book he had in front of him. "I should be asking you that. I haven't talked to him since he left my house to go see you." He started to gather his things and got up walking out of the cafeteria.

He hasn't seen Ryan either.... now i'm really worried. I jump up and follow him out. "Spencer wait" I said when I caught up to him. He sighed and looked at me. "what Urie?" he glared. I ran my hand through my hair, why does this guy hate me so much. "I haven't seen him since that night either. I dropped him off at home and he hasn't answered since. His eyes widen and fill with fear. "you dropped him off? was it during the day?" he asked. "It was starting to get dark" I saw. what is he so afraid of. Ryan is okay right he has to be. "He's in trouble. we have to get to his house. Do you have a car?" He asked running out to the parking lot. Now I was worried. I grabbed his arm and pulled him to my car unlocking it when we got close. I jumped into the drivers seat and turned it on. Spencer got in on the other side and I took off not waiting for him to put his seat belt on.

[Ryan's POV]

'I'm so cold...' I think as I lay on the floor, curled up in a ball. Spencer would tell me it was because i'm so skinny, hah that was two weeks ago. Its funny how quickly you can lose weight when you don't eat. I open my eyes and look around. Not that there's much point. The basement is always so dark. I force myself to sit up. My eyes tear as pain shoots through my body but I try to ignore it. I think about Brendon, the thought of him makes me forget where I am it makes warmth spread through me. I imagine the way his lips fit perfectly with mine and how i feel perfectly safe with his arms around me. Like nothing could ever hurt me.

I can't stop it anymore, the tears fall down and I start to cry uncontrollably. I miss him so much. I want to see him so badly. And Spencer does he think i'm mad at him for that kiss? I didn't mind... its fine if he wants to experiment... god I just want to get out of here.

Suddenly the sound of the doorbell fills the house and hope fills my heart. Someone is here. If I can yell loud enough maybe they'll find me... but if I don't... I don't want to think about what he'll do if it doesn't work. Footsteps echo across the floor above me as my mom makes her way to the door. I crawl to the stairs and strain to hear any sounds from above. I have to do it. I've only got one chance.

[Brendon's POV]

Spencer rings the doorbell then stuffs his hands into his pockets. He seems nervous to be here. "Haven't you been here before?" I asked. He shakes his head and looks around. "Ryan wouldn't let me." He says. I'm starting to realize that he doesn't really like to talk. The door opens and both of us gag on the strong smell of alcohol that radiates from the house. The woman that stands in front of us looks a bit like Ryan. She has long brown hair that looks like it hasn't been washed in some time, and there are dark bags under her eyes. I glance at Spencer and see that he's looking at the ground. Guess its up to me. "Hi we're looking for Ryan" I say. She seems to think for a minute before taking a cigarette out and putting it between her lips. "Either of you boys got a lighter?" She asks. I sigh and take my lighter out and light it for her. Spencer is giving me a look but I ignore it. "so... is Ryan here?" I ask again. She glances over her shoulder then shakes her head. "No Ryan's at school"she says. "That's not true" Spencer suddenly speaks up. Ryan's mom starts to close the door.

"Brendon!" I hear Ryan's voice calling my name. He sounds so weak. The woman closes the door faster and Spencer jumps forward putting his leg in the way. Together we push the door back open knocking her back. "Ryan!" Spencer calls out as he runs into the house. I run after him. "Ryan!?" I yell. "Spencer! Brendon!" his voice is coming from the basement. I run to the door and try to pull the door open. "Ryan it's locked hang on" I yell. Spencer comes over and checks the door. He moves me out of the way then slams his shoulder against it. The first time does nothing but the second time the door gives way. I grab his arm and pull him back to keep him from falling. Once he's regained his balance I run down the stairs and gasp when I reach the bottom.

"Brendon..." Ryan sits on the floor tears in his eyes. "oh god" is all I manage to say. Ryan starts to cry. I kneel next to him and wrap my arms around his tiny frame. He cries harder and his whole body shakes. I'm going to kill the bastard who did this to him.


	11. Hurting

[Ryan's POV]

I woke up in a hospital. I don't remember how I got here. I remember being in the basement. I remember my step dad... what he did to me. How long was I there? How did I get out. I struggle to sit up but the pain is to great and I fall back crying out. Everything hurts, my thoughts are muddled and I'm so tired.

The door opens and a nurse enters the room. I look towards her with just my eyes not daring to move again. She gasps and puts her hand over her mouth. "you're awake" she cries out. "I'll get the doctor" she rushes out of the room. It doesn't take long for her to return this time Jon is with her. Jon, he's Brendon's family. That means that Brendon must know right? oh god I want Brendon.

"Ryan, can you talk?" Jon asks. "B...Brendon" is all I can say, all I can think about. I need to see him to feel his warmth. My voice is raspy and weak. Jon looks at me and I can see that he doesn't understand what I'm saying. My throat hurts but I need to try again. I need him to understand. "Brendon..." I try again my voice a bit louder this time. I see the understanding in his eyes. "He's here. they haven't left. I need to check you out then they can come see you" he says. He starts to move around me checking me out. I don't pay attention all I can think about is Brendon. Jon finishes and walks out of the room.

"Ryan!" Spencer's voice echo's through the room and causes my head to hurt, but despite that I found myself smiling at the sight of him. He rushes over to the bed and stops himself just before he hugs me. "Sorry I almost forgot. I won't hurt you." he says. He's on the verge of crying, his beautiful eyes filled with tears. "No..." I said reaching up and wiping the tears away as they fell. I hated to see Spence cry, especially knowing that its because of me. I hear a gasp and pulls my eyes away from Spence to see Brendon standing in the door way. I reach for him and Spencer backs away.

"Oh god Ryan" Brendon says running over and intertwining our fingers. He brushes his fingers against my cheek and presses his lips to my forehead. It hurts but it feels so good at the same time. "you're awake you're really awake" he say with a big grin on his face. His face isn't far from mine it wouldn't take much to close the distance. I lift my head and capture his lips with my own. He seems hesitant but returns the kiss. I hear the click of the door closing but decide to ignore it. Focusing on nothing but the feeling oh Brendon's lips.

[Spencer's pov]

I was so afraid, so afraid that I would lose him. I stand back when Brendon enters the room and allow to them to have their reunion. But it becomes to much for me when they start kissing. I walk out of the room and lean against a wall in the hallway letting the tears run down my face.

I want to be the one kissing him. I want to be the one that he begs to see. I slide to the ground as I cry harder. It hurts so much to see him hurt. It hurts even more to know that i'm no longer the person he relies on. I know he's hurting so much more and that he needs me. So I will be there for him I will always be there for him. I wonder if I will ever be able to forget about my love for him.

"Are you alright?" Someone asks. I look up and see Ryan's doctor standing in front of me. I was really worried when I first saw him since he was so young but he's a relative of Brendon's so I figured he was in good hands. He looks stern but his warm brown eyes showed nothing but compassion. "No." I said "I'm not alright" He sat down next to me and rested his arms on his knees, not caring about the looks that the other hospital staff were giving him. No one said anything to him. I guess they were used to it.

"tell me" he said with a warm smile. I don't know why but I did. I told him everything. I told him about my feelings for Ryan and how much it hurt to know that he would only ever see me as a friend. Jon kept eye contact with me as I talked, never looking bored. He would have made a good therapist or something...

When I finished talking I could no longer control my tears and began to cry again. Jon wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against his chest. I held onto his lab coat tightly and cried into his shirt. He held me close and rubbed my back until my tears stopped. I was really tired now and could feel myself beginning to doze. Jon must have noticed too. He stood up and helped me to my feet. "i've got a cot in my office you can rest there" he said before leading me to the elevator. I let him guide me as my thoughts swirled around my head.

[Brendon's POV]

I laid next to Ryan on the hospital bed watching him sleep. It was a bit awkward because of the things attached to his arms but we had found a comfortable way to lay close. Even in his sleep he held my hand tightly as through afraid I would vanish if he let go.

He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, like an angel. I wish that he looked so calm when he was awake. I wish that I couldn't see the terror in his eyes. The police would be coming back once he woke up again. Spencer and I would both made statements. They will be removing Ryan from his parents custody. Not that it matters, his mother hasn't visited and if I saw his dad I would make sure I hurt him. I was afraid though. Spencer said that his parents would try and get custody of Ryan, but if they fail he'll be put in the system and could end up anywhere in the state. I don't want to be separated from him. I want to be with him every second to protect him.

He starts to whimper in his sleep as a nightmare enters his mind. I placed my free hand on his cheek and gently ran my thumb over his lips. "Its okay Ryan" I whisper into his ear. "i'll protect you" I press my lips to his temple and he seems to calm. 'I will find a way to be with him' I swear to myself.

These past couple days have been hard. My family is mad at me. My sisters yelled at me every time I went home to shower and eat. My mother constantly asked what was going on, and to make it all worse both Natalia and Savannah have called so much that I finally gave in and turned my phone off. Once this has all passed i'm going to have a lot of explaining to do. But first I'll break up with Natalia. After what he's been through Ryan deserves my full attention. I will be his boyfriend and let nothing come between us. I kiss his lips gently then close my eyes, letting the soft sound of his breathing lull me to sleep.


	12. Fosters

[Ryan's POV]

I sit in the passenger seat of my social worker, Janice's, car nervously taping my fingers on the arm rest. We're parked outside a rather large house in a gated community. 'My new house' I remind myself. I have to close my eyes tightly and take a deep breath, forcing back the emotions that have threatened to take over since I heard the judge’s decision. Because my father was on the run and knew where Spencer lived I wasn't allowed to stay with him. I wasn't allowed to stay in my home town. It’s been three days since I said goodbye...   
*flashback*  
I stood on the top steps of the courthouse looking down. Brendon and Spencer stood side by side at the bottom. They weren't allowed in the courthouse. They should have both been in school. Jon stood behind them looking grim. I'm sure he suspected the results. He's been very helpful with everything, even tried to convince his wife to take me in.  
Brendon looks up and sees me. A wide grin spreads across his face, but it fades as he looks into my eyes. I start down the steps slowly. I want to throw my arms around him and to stay there forever. But he still won't come out. It bothers me but I won't force him. At the bottom I look between my two best friends. My eyes start to water and I can't contain it. I start to cry and pull them both to me. They both hold onto me. "Ryan?" Brendon is the first to speak. I look up into his eyes. I want to memorize every part of him. "They’re sending me to live in another city" I told them with a heavy heart. "No!" Spencer yells. I jump a bit; I don't think I've ever heard him yell. He’s always so level headed. “They can’t fucking send you away! You belong here" Jon steps forward placing his hand on Spencer's back calming him. The three of us are crying now.

"Ryan it’s time for us to go now," My social worker says. "No please give him a few more minutes" Brendon pleads. She just shakes her head. "I have to go to the bathroom" I lie. I need to say good bye to Brendon properly. I don't know when I'll see him again. "Fine" she sighs before going to talk to Spencer's parents. I grab Brendon's hand and pull him with me to the bath room.

As soon as the door closes behind us he pulls me into his arms. I wrap my arms around him burying my face in his neck and taking a deep breath. I love his scent; I love the feel of his arms around me, the way we fit perfectly together. He cups my cheek and lifts my head, bringing our lips together. I put my hand on the back of his neck and press my lips against his harder. He bites my bottom lip and I part them allowing his tongue in. We kiss for a few minutes, neither of us wanting to pull away. Finally we have to. He moves back and we stare into each others eyes as we try to catch our breath. "I love you" he says before taking off my tie and undoing the top few buttons of my shirt and moving it aside. He begins to kiss my neck and shoulder, sucking and biting. I know he's leaving marks. I want to respond but all I can do is tilt my head back as a moan escapes my lips. He pulls away and admires his handi work.

Taking a deep breath I go to the mirror and look at myself. Four red spots are visible; I have no doubt that they'll leave marks. Brendon wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me against his body. His lips brush against my ear as he speaks. "This isn't goodbye Ryan. No one can keep us apart. Before those fade we'll see each other again." I turn my head and capture his lips with my own. I believe him. I know that he won't let us be separated. "I love you too" I say.

He smiles and gives me one last peck before letting me go. He takes my tie off me and hangs it around his own neck then fixes the buttons on my shirt. He examines me and then laughs. I feel my face heat up. "What is it?" I ask. He brushes my bangs back from my face. "Your shirt is really thin. I can see the hickies" he says still laughing. "What!? No way" I look in the mirror and see that he's right. My face reddens and I turn to him. "Give me your jacket." I beg. He shrugs it off and holds it up for me. I slide my arms in and zip it up. He cups my face and places his forehead against mine. "I'll see you soon" He whispers before moving away from me and walking out of the bathroom.

*end flashback*

"Ryan are you awake?" My social worker asks. I open my eyes and look at her sadly. I'm sure that I'm a mess because of my earlier crying. Not to mention both my hands are bandaged. "I guess" I mutter taking another look at the house; it doesn't look like the foster homes you see on TV shows. "The Kent's are a very nice family. You were very lucky they decided to accept another foster child. They already have two other boys staying with them." She explains. I wonder what these boys will be like. I hoped I would have some privacy. "I don't have any clothes or anything..." I say with a frown. All I had was my guitar, a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt that Spencer had brought to the hospital for me, that and the suit I wore now along with Brendon's jacket. I wasn't allowed to get anything from home. "The Kent's have been given some money to buy you knew things. The other boys are both around your age so one of them should have something you can wear in the meantime" After saying that she got out of the car.

I took a deep breath and got out stiffly. I tried to straighten out the wrinkles that had formed on my pants and shirt but it was useless so I gave up and followed Janice up to the front door. She rang the doorbell with a perfectly manicured finger then flipped through my file as we waited. I shifted from one foot to the other impatiently. Was this house really so big it took that long to get to the door? Or maybe they can't hear it.

Suddenly I felt the panic rising. What if they don't like me? What if they refused to take me in and I was sent to a group home? What if they were one of those bad families that abuses their foster kids? The bad thoughts filled my head and my breaths became shallow. I wanted to run back to the car and refuse to get out until Janice drove me home.

The front door opened revealing a very surprised boy. He was shorter than me and had light brown hair that was ruffled like he had just woken up. He was wearing pajama pants with batman symbols all over them and a white T-shirt. His glasses sat askew on his nose. "Miss Janice" he said cheerfully "we weren't expecting you until later today" His eyes then fell on me and his face grew concerned. "Are you alright?" He asked as he stepped outside, leaving the door open. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. "Ryan? Oh dear you look like a ghost." Janice walked closer as well. I'm going to be sick, I run off the porch and lean over some bushes and empty my stomach. "Ryan?!" Janice's voice is filled with concern but she keeps her distance. It’s the boy that comes over to me. He rubs circles on my back gently. "It’s okay" he said softly. "You don't have to be nervous"

I take a few deep breaths when I’m sure that I’m not going to be sick again and stand up straight. The boy looks up at me with a smile still on his face. "I bet you'd like some tea to settle your stomach right" he says. I just nod; he takes my hand and leads me back up the porch. "Are you alright?" Janice asks. I nod my head carefully, "car sick" I lie. Janice sighs and turns her attention to the boy. "Are your parents here?" She asks. The boy shakes his head causing his glasses to slide down. "They weren't expecting you until later so they both went to the office" He explained. Janice frowned and let out another sigh. "I'll have to go talk to them their... Ryan perhaps you should stay here and get comfortable." I can tell she doesn't want me getting sick in her car. "Okay" I say looking down at my feet. She nods and returns to her car. The boy picks up my bag from where I dropped it then holds my arm and leads me into the house. I follow him in and look around as he guides me.

"I'm Patrick by the way" he says as we walk into the kitchen. "Ryan" I say before sitting at the table and putting my head down. Patrick busies himself making the tea. I close my eyes and force the panic back. It’s embarrassing enough that I've already thrown up in front of him; I don't want him to think I'm a cry baby as well. Patrick sets a mug in front of me then sits down sipping his own tea. I lift my head and take a deep breath before picking up the mug.

"Is this your first home?" Patrick asks. I look at him and frown. "Yeah..." I say quietly. "Mine too. But I've been here for a few years now" he fixes his glasses. "How old are you?" I ask. "Sixteen" he answers proudly. Wow he seems a lot younger. He looks at me and furrows his brows. It’s really cute actually. "You were just thinking I was small weren't you. I can't help but laugh. He tries to look annoyed but I notice he's trying not to smile. I find myself relaxing around him.

"Hey do you guys have something I can change into? These clothes are uncomfortable." I asked when we had both finished our tea. He looked at me thoughtfully. "Pete might have something that will fit you." He said standing up. "Pete?"  
"Yeah he's the other guy that's staying here" he says with a slight blush in his face. I couldn't help but wonder if Patrick was gay too. "Come on I'll show you where we all sleep" I nodded and stood up. Patrick led me up a flight of stairs I hadn't noticed before. I hoped this Pete guy was as nice as Patrick. Maybe staying here wouldn't be so bad, except that I didn't have Brendon or Spencer. Man I miss them. I don't have a phone anymore. I'll have to borrow one later.

Patrick opened a door revealing a large bedroom. It was a typical teenage guy’s room, with bunk beds against one wall and a futon in front or the TV. "Make you at home" Patrick said. He walked over to a desk and turned the light on. There was a groan from the top bunk and I realized someone was asleep up there. "Babe turn the light off and come back to bed" he grumbled. He must be Pete. Patrick's face turned bright red and he glanced at me then at the bed. "It’s me Pete. We have a guest" Patrick said before goes to a dresser and looking through it.

Pete sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. I couldn't help but stare at him. He was very good looking. His black hair stuck up in all direction and his arms where covered in tattoos. When he was a bit more awake he looked me over before jumping off the bed easily. He was wearing nothing but a pair of black briefs. He scratched his stomach and yawned. "Who are you?" He asked. I forced myself to look down at my feet. "I'm Ryan" I said sticking my hands in my pockets.

"These should work" Patrick said excitedly. I looked up in time to see him stare at Pete as well. "P...Pete!" He stuttered. Pete looked at him. "What?" he asked. Patrick's face was bright red now. "Get dressed!" Patrick yelled. Pete muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "that's not what you said last night" before grabbing a pair of jeans and a shirt off the floor and pulling them on.

Patrick hurried over to me and handed me the clothes. "Here you go Ryan" he said trying to regain his composure. I wonder if he and Pete realized how obvious they made it that they were together. "Where can I change?" I asked. Pete looked at me as he plopped down on the futon and turned the TV on. "Why not just change here? Afraid we bite?" he asked looking me over again. That made me really uncomfortable. "I just... where's the bathroom?" I asked directing my question at Patrick. "Its right there" he said pointing at a door behind me. "Sorry about Pete... he doesn't really think about what he says till he has some coffee."

I shrugged and went into the bathroom. Patrick had given me a pair of black skinny jeans and a black Green day shirt. Well at least we liked the same music. I changed into the clothes and looked at myself in the mirror. I was still really pale and bandages were wrapped around my arms making me pretty much look like a mummy. I put Brendon's jacket back on and took a deep breath filling my head with his scent. I needed to talk to him soon. They're probably going crazy.

I take one last deep breath before walking out of the bathroom. Pete and Patrick are both on the couch now, their eyes glued to the TV. They're sitting close enough that their knees are touching. Patrick had changed into a pair of jeans and another T-shirt. "Thank you for the clothes" I say. Both of them look at me. "That's great they fit!" Patrick said with a smile. "Why are you wearing a jacket? It’s hot in here" Pete asks. I blink and look down at my feet. I hear a smack and Pete curses, "What the fuck Patrick" he says. Patrick glares at him and whispers something I don't hear. Pete just rolls his eyes in response. "Can I use a phone?" I asked interrupting them. They shared a look then Pete shrugged and tossed me a cell phone. I took it and walked out of the room. My fingers quickly typed out the number I had forced myself to memorize. I hit send and held the phone to my ear eagerly.

[Brendon's POV]

I haven't been sleeping well since Ryan left. I stayed with him the whole time he was in the hospital and now that I don't know where he is or if he's okay is driving me crazy. It’s light out by the time I finally do fall asleep. I've only been asleep for an hour or so when I’m woken up by the sound of my phone ringing.

I groan and feel around for it. When I find it I press talk and hold it to my ear. "Hello?" I say groggily my face still pressed into my pillow. I hear a laugh on the other end and suddenly I’m wide awake. I know that laugh, that beautiful beautiful laugh. "Ryan!" I yell into the phone sitting up. I hear him taking a deep breath before yelling "Brendon!" oh god it’s so good to hear his voice. We both laugh for a bit longer. When we stop he says my name once again, quieter this time and filled with longing. I close my eyes and lay back once again. "I miss you" He says, his voice almost a whisper. "I miss you too Ryan. Where are you? I can come visit right?" I ask excitedly. He's silent for a moment before answering. "I want you to come but I’m not sure if it’s allowed. I haven't met my foster parents yet" He admits. "Who cares if it’s not allowed? I have to see you Ryan." I tell him. I get up and pull on some clothes. I think I was supposed to do something with my family today but I really don't care. Suddenly all that matters to me is Ryan.

He laughs a bit "I'll make sure it’s okay with the other guys. Then send you the address" other guys? So he's not there alone. They better keep their hands off my Ryan. "How old are they?" I ask "Patrick is sixteen. I don't know about Pete. He seems a lot older. He's got these really cool tattoos and stuff. They’re both really nice. Well Patrick is I’m not sure about Pete since he's still kinda asleep" I ignore the bit of jealousy I feel. There's probably something against foster siblings dating not to mention they probably aren't gay. We talk for a little bit longer before saying our goodbyes. As I head out to my car I receive a text from him with the address. I put it in my GPS then get in my car and go. I can’t wait to see him.


	13. Starting over

[Ryan's Pov]

Brendon is coming! The thought bounces around my head after I hang up with him. I don't want to get in trouble but I need to see him. I run back up the stairs to the bedroom and open the door. I notice right away as I walk into the room that Patrick is gone. Pete has sprawled out on the couch somehow taking up the whole thing despite his short stature. He looks at me and raises his eyebrow, probably wondering why I have such a rediculous looking grin on my face. "Good phone call I take it" He said holding out his hand for the phone. "Very... um are we allowed to have people over?" I asked holding the phone with both hands. He scratched his stomach thoughtfully. "No girls allowed" He says. Now I'm grinning so much that its starting to hurt. "Can you send the address to the number I just called?" I held out his phone. He took it and quickly sent the text then slipped it into his pocket then returned his gaze to the tv.

I looked around the room not really knowing what to do or say. Pete seemed like a nice enough guy but he definitely wasn't making any effort to be friendly. The tv got quiet suddenly and i heard the sound of the shower running and someone singing. I couldn't help but look towards the bathroom. "That's patrick, he's got the voice of an angel" Pete said proudly. I looked at him, not bothering to hide the surprise on my face. The words seemed strange coming out of the tattoo covered boy. Pete looked at me his eyes piercing into mine. I felt like he was silently challenging me to say something he didn't like, so instead of saying what was on my mind I nodded my head. "He really does," I agreed. Pete nodded in response. 

Deciding Pete wasn't going to move his feet anytime soon I decided to leave the room and explore the house. It was a big house with many different rooms. I was kind of surprised that all three of us had to share a room since it would have probably been pretty easy to turn some of the others into a bedroom (though I doubt Pete and Patrick had ever complained). I walked into one of the rooms and squeeled with delight when I found it full of instruments. I ran into the room and picked up a guitar. I wasted no time sitting down and making sure it was tuned before I started to play.

[Patrick's pov]

When I left the bathroom I saw that Pete was alone, his eyes were closed and he appeared to be asleep. He's so cute! I walked over and knelt next to the couch. "Pete?" I said in a quiet voice. He stirred a bit but didn't open his eyes. I glanced around the room to make sure Ryan wasn't there before pressing a quick kiss to his lips. I felt him smile and then his arms were around my waist. He pulled me onto the couch with ease and flipped us so he was on top of me. His lips moved hungrily against my own. 

I knew we shouldn't be doing this right now, Ryan could walk in any minute, but as always I found it impossible to resist Pete. I parted my lips letting his tongue slide between them. I put my hand on the back of his neck and pulled him closer. He tangled one hand in my still wet hair. The other he let trail down my body. 

"Oh my gosh" Ryan's voice startled both of us. Pete was off me in an instant and grabbed the collar of Ryan's shirt before shoving him against the wall. Even though Pete was shorter I could see that Ryan was definitely scared. "I swear to god if you breath a word of this to anyone I will hunt you down and kill you." Pete threatened, his voice almost a growl. Ryan looked like a deer in headlights so I decided to come to his rescue. I jumped off the couch and went over to them. I put my hands on Pete's waist and kissed the back of his neck. "Let him go Pete" I said. I felt some of the tension leave his shoulders but he didn't release Ryan. "Not til he swears. We've worked to hard to hide this and I'm not going to let some skinny loser ruin it" He growled.

Ryan looked like he was in pain but he managed to give an answer, "I swear. I swear i wont tell. Just let me go!" he yelled. I pulled Pete back and this time he let go. Ryan slid to the ground and rubbed his chest. "Look what you did" I scolded Pete pushing him back towards the couch. Pete grumbled something under his breath and stormed out of the room, I'll deal with his temper later. I knelt in front of Ryan and held out my hand. "I'm sorry... we'd get in a lot of trouble if anyone found out... and we'd be seperated..." Ryan looks up at me knowingly. "I won't tell" He reassured me as he got to his feet on his own. He seemed unsteady. "Are you okay? I asked. I was afraid that Pete had really hurt him.

Ryan rubs his shoulder gently and walks to the couch sitting down carefully. "I'm alright. Can you get my bag for me?" He asks pointing to it. I nodd quickly and grab the bag bringing it over to him quickly. He takes it and looks through one of the pockets. I notice several perscription bottles, I'll have to make sure he locks those. Ryan takes out a bottle of some sort of ointment then looks at me. "can... can you leave the room?" He asks. I can't help but frown as I stand up straight. "Sure" I say before walking out of the room.

[Ryan's Pov]

Patrick casts a worried glance back at me as he closes the door to the bedroom giving me the privacy that I desperately need right now. I'm scared. I pull my knees up to my chest and take slow breaths as I squeeze my eyes shut, as though that would stop the onslaught of images that flood my brain. I try hard to not think of my father. Of the things that happened to me before now. He can't find me now, not here.

I can start over now. Patrick is extremely nice, I'd like to have a brother like him, and maybe once Pete warms up to me we could get along. Brendon can come visit me on the weekends. We can go on dates here, no one to recognize us. Spence can come out. Heck maybe we can even get Patrick in on the band we wanted to start. I can't help but smile as my body relaxes a bit. I shrug off Brendon's jacket and take my shirt off carefully. I get up and go to the mirror that hangs on the door of the closet. My body is covered in gross yellow bruises, I can't wait for them to finish healing. I run my fingers over one of the scars on my wrists, those will never go away maybe one day I'll be confident enough to let them show but not now. Not when some are still fresh. I force myself to look up further. My eyes resting of the four small bruises along my collar bone, a smile spreads across my face.

There's a click as the door opens and I turn around quickly going to grab my shirt. "Oh Ryan" Patrick says covering his mouth. I frown and look at him. "Why didn't you knock?" I ask. I'm shaking a bit, feeling exposed. "Sorry he didn't really give me a cha-" before Patrick can finish Brendon pushes past him into the room. "Ryan!" He yells with a huge grin on his face. He's even more handsome than I remember. I drop my shirt on the ground and throw my arms around him. He wraps his arms around my waist and presses his body against mine. It hurts a bit but I don't care about anything but him. 

Pete clears his throat and Brendon and I release each other and back away a bit. My cheeks flush and both of us turn to look at our audience. Brendon speaks first "Hi I'm Ryan's friend Brendon" He says flashing his trademark smile. Patrick smiles back. "I'm Patrick and this is Pete" he introduces with a shy smile. Pete eyes Brendon then looks at me. I grab Brendon's jacket and put it on zipping it up. I can't help but notice the smirk Brendon has. "So you wanna tell us about those hickies you got there Ryan? you don't seem to be much of a ladies man" Pete says. He walks into the room and flops down on the bottom bunk. I'm a little surprised he seems so casual after he snapped on me earlier.

"Oh you'd be surprised, Ryan's got all the ladies just falling at his feet" Brendon jokes nudging my arm gently. I smile shyly and nudge him back. "He does?" Patrick asked sounding a bit surprised. Pete laughs "He's pulling your leg Trick" Patrick frowns and looks at Pete then back at me and Brendon. "So... how did you get them then?" He askes. Brendon smiles and looks at me, "Yeah how?" he asks. I stare at him, how am I supposed to answer that? 

Thankfully, I didn't have to. As I attempt to stutter out an answer the front door opens and closes. Pete and Patrick both jump up. "They're home" Patrick says. "who?" Brendon asked looking between us. "Our foster parents" Pete explains gravely. I mess with the zipper of my jacket, the look on both their faces is worrying me a bit. "That's not a bad thing is it?" I ask. Pete glances at Patrick then finishes changing. "No, they're just strict. You should put a shirt on" Patrick said before fixing his hair a bit. Brendon and I share a worried look. "Don't have a heart attack you'll survive" Pete says shaking his head. I sigh a bit and Brendon brushes his hand against mine reassuringly. Guess it's time to meet my new parents...


	14. Meet and greet

=Ryan's POV=

I'm sweaty, and nervous and what if I say something stupid! Oh man I'm freaking out. We're standing in a line at the foyer. Brendon and I are standing side by side with Patrick and Pete on either side of us. Patrick stood up straight with his hands folded in front of him. "Welcome home" He said cheerfully. Pete stuck his hands in his pockets and glared at the floor. The man and woman that stood in front of us where not at all what I expected, not that I was really expecting anything. How can I expect anything when I wasn't even expecting to be a foster kid. I didn't expect to be living in this house four hours from home with two guys who are secretly dating! 

 

Okay way off track. I need to calm down and focus on something that isn't all the things that are making me want to panic. Brendon, brendon doesn't make me want to panic. Brendon's big goofy grin and the way he goes on and on when he's nervous. The way his lips fit perfectly against mine and... not the time to be thinking these things. "I'm a bit confused" The man says his gaze shifting between Brendon and I. Brendon nudges my arm and I remember that i'm supposed to be introduing myself. I shift from one foot to the other nervously. "I'm Ryan" I manage to say quietly. "And this other boy?" He asks. Brendon steps forward and extends his hand with his charming smile. "Brendon Urie sir. I'm a friend of Ryan's from home." The man eyes Brendon's hand but makes no move to shake it. "I'm Nathaniel Butler. This is my wife Judith. Have the boys explained the rules to you?" 

 

"We haven't had time yet sir" Patrick explained "He was car sick when he got here." The guy, Nathaniel starts to explain the rules and I take the chance to study them better. He's very tall and his salt and pepper hair is combed back neatly and his face is clean shaven. The black suit he's wearing is neat with out a single wrinkle. Judith stands next to him with her hands folded in front of her and her shoulders squared. She's wearing a navy blue skirt suit with her brown hair tied back in a neat bun. Around her neck hangs a gold cross necklace. I wonder if i'll have to go to church now. "Do you understand the rules?" Nathaniel asks. I nod my head and wonder when we'll be able to go back to the room so I can ask what the rules are. "Good. Your friend may stay a until six but after that he has to leave." I smile and glance at Brendon. I'm surprised to find that the smile he has on his face now is strained. Maybe I should have paid attention to the rules. Nathaniel excuses himself and he and his wife walk towards the back of the house which i'm assuming is where their bedroom is. "Lets go you guys" Patrick says before heading back up the stairs. Brendon and I follow him but Pete wanders off.


	15. Unsure

[Brendon's POV]

Ryan's hands are shaking as we walk back into the bedroom. I remember how he looked when I found him in the classroom. I don't care about all that Nathaniel guys rules. I takes Ryan's hand and move closer to him, he leans towards me and rests his head on my shoulder. I can feel Patrick watching us but I don't care, I can't let Ryan have another panic attack. He presses himself against me and buries his face in my shirt. God I missed him.   
"Are you okay Ryan?" Patrick asks as he shifts from one foot to the other nervously. Ryan takes a deep breath then moved back and looks at Patrick. "I'm alright... I get nervous when I meet new people. I um... well I couldn't really pay attention to what the rules are." he admits. That's probably a good thing. I'm sure Patrick could explain them in a way that's sounds better. "Oh you didn't? Well first rule is always listen to Nathaniel. That's like the biggest rule, he's kind of a control freak... oh but don't tell him that." Patrick starts to explain. Ryan relaxes against me with his arm around my waist. I'm sure Patrick will start to wonder but I don't really care. "We have to come straight home after school unless we have approved after school activities. If we have friends over they have to leave by the time Nathaniel gets home. Saturdays and Sundays we have to go to church with them" Patrick says. Ryan contemplates the information. "Then they're really religious?" Ryan asks nervously.   
Patrick nods and sits on the futon crossing his legs. "They are... so if you are such a 'ladies man' then you probably shouldn't bring any ladies here..." Ryan chuckles and sits next to Patrick on the couch. "I'm definitely not a ladies man" He looks up at me with a smile on his face. I really really wish Patrick would give us some privacy right now. I want to properly greet Ryan and show him just how much I missed him. "Patrick" I say suddenly. They both turn to look at me and I realize I've interrupted their conversation. "Sorry... sorry can I talk to Ryan alone for a few minute?" I will beg. Do not underestimate the power of the puppy dog eyes. Patrick smiles and hops up. "yeah I need to make sure Pete stays out of trouble." He hurries out of the room. I lock the door behind him then quickly walk to the couch.   
Ryan smiles at me and I can't help but throw myself into his arms. He hugs me tightly and presses his lips to mine. I kiss him back running my tongue along his bottom lip begging for entrance. I need this, I need him. He parts his lips and I slide my tongue in exploring his mouth. He lays back on the couch and runs his fingers through my hair. I really do love him.   
I pull away a bit and stare down at him. He's so perfect, so amazing, so... he's crying. I wipe a tear off his cheek. "what's wrong Ryan?" He takes my hand and presses his lips against my palm. "Don't leave me." He pleads his voice cracking.

[Ryan's POV]

"Don't leave me" I ask him. My voice cracks and I hate how weak I am right now. Brendon's eyes soften and he presses his lips to my forehead. "I will never leave you Ryan" He reassures me. I take a deep breath. "But you are Brendon... You have to leave at five. its already almost four thirty. There's a time limit to how long I could see you... you'd have to skip school to come see me and I have to do that church thing on the weekends... we're never going to see each other" my hearts starts to race and I have to take deep breaths. I can't panic right now... I have to relax and talk to Brendon.  
"close your eyes Ryan" Brendon says. I shake my head. "Brendon we-" He puts a finger against my lips silencing me. "close your eyes Ryan." I give in and close my eyes, trying to force down the panic building inside me. Brendon slides his hand under my shirt and rubs circles on my stomach. A shiver runs through my body and I try to relax. Brendon brushes his lips against my ear as he whispers "Its okay. we'll figure everything out. no one will keep me from you. I know that everything looks really unsure now but we will be together. forever and ever" I let myself relax as he continues to whisper to me. I feel so safe when he's here. I know he's right. we'll find a way to be together. I love him.


	16. I don't want to go

[Brendon's POV]

Five hours twenty three minutes and sixteen... seventeen.... eighteen seconds since I had left Ryan's new house. I'm not sure how long it took me to drive home, actually I don't really remember driving home. Which is probably dangerous. I hated leaving Ryan there alone but at least that Patrick guy seemed nice. I hope they don't get along too well.

I've been sitting in the driveway of my families home for about twenty minutes now not ready to go inside. Most of the lights are off so my parents are either not home or already in bed, but even being in this house makes me feel trapped. My room is right across the hall from Jackson's old room (which they've pretty much turned into a shrine. creepy) the door is kept open all the time and every time I pass it I'm reminded that its not me they want but him. I'm the replacement child and in their eyes I'll never live up to the original.

Ryan and I are good for each other. I'm able to help him stay calm when he starts panicking and he sees me for me. He sees past the image I've worked so hard to create. He sees who I really am and he loves me for it. I've never felt as free as I do when he's looking at me. Taking a deep breath I get out of my car and head inside the house. I haven't been good lately. I'm sure that my father will yell at me for it. Even today I took off without his permission.

Its quiet inside the house except for the tick tock of the large grandfather clock in the living room. I open the coat closet to put my jacket and shoes inside and notice my parents good coats are gone. which means they've gone out, probably to some charity ball or investors dinner. They won't be back for a few more hours as long as my mother has a few drinks. I head towards the kitchen and am surprised to see that the light is already on.

I peek in and see Jon sitting at the table. Which is weird because Jon hates coming here almost as much as I do. I walk into the room. Jon jumps a bit as the door shuts behind me. He looks at me warily then sighs. "Shit Brendon you almost gave me a heart attack" he said running his hand through his already messy hair. A half empty bottle of bourbon sits on the table next to a glass. I cross the kitchen to the fridge and take out two cans of iced tea. "Sorry I didn't think anyone would be home" I said as I set them on the table and took a seat. "me neither" Jon admits. He's wearing a tuxedo with the shirt untucked and his bowtie hanging around his neck. I have to admit my sister picked a really good looking guy.

"where is everyone?" I ask. Jon opens an iced tea and takes a sip before speaking. "some charity thing they won't be back tonight." he eyes me as he takes another drink. "I didn't think you would be coming home tonight either. didn't you go to Ryan's?"

"His foster parents made me leave at five" I sighed remembering the look on Ryan face as I had walked out to my car. God did I hate leaving him. Jon pours himself some more alcohol. I don't think I've ever seen him drink before. I rest my head on my hand and watch him. "can I have some?" I ask. Jon chuckles and shakes his head "no way in hell kid" he takes a long swig and sets the glass down harder than needed.

"wanna tell me whats on your mind?" Jon considers it for a moment then shakes his head. "no."

"I wont tell my sister. cross my heart and hope to die" I promise. Jon chuckles and continues to shake his head. "you're just a kid..." he mumbles something I can't hear then picks up his drink again. His phone on the table vibrates twice. I glance at the screen before he picks it up and see that the message is from Spencer. wait... Spencer? not Ryan's friend Spencer is it? why would he be texting Jon? Jon reads the message and... is that a blush?!

"Sexy text?" I ask. Jon blushes more and stands up. He stumbles a bit as he walks towards the door. "Jon wait" I say, standing up and going to him. He stands still swaying a bit. "where are you going?" Jon blinks a few times looking like he's trying to remember. "Gotta meet someone" He slurs. I can't let him leave like this. "Tell them to meet you here. you of all people know better than to drink and drive" Jon wrinkles his nose and takes his phone out texting. "wasn't gonna drive. was gonna walk." he says with a huff. I just roll my eyes at him and guide him to the living room. He falls over on the couch easily and in a matter of seconds he's out cold. Guess whoever he's supposed to meet with will have to help me wake him back up.

Once I've hidden the rest of the bourbon and cleaned up the kitchen I head upstairs. When I reach my room I can't help but peek into Jackson's room. I'm curious. I've always been told that I wasn't allowed in his room so I just accepted that and never thought to question it. Now though, its like something is drawing me into his room. I know I've already broken a lot of rules. If I get in trouble I won't be able to go see Ryan. Who am I kidding... I might not even get to see him if I'm not grounded... no! I refuse to think like that. I will see Ryan regularly. Even if I have to skip school to do it.

I step across the hall and stand in the doorway of Jackson's room. Its eerie, the bed is unmade and looks as though its owner just got out of it. There are notebooks and papers scattered across the desk and a laptop sits open showing its screensaver, a picture of Jackson and another boy probably his best friend. I sit in the chair and move the mouse a bit. It takes a moment for the computer to wake up but when I do I see that the background is another picture of the same boy from the screensaver. That's weird, most teenage boys would have a picture of their girlfriend or something not another guy... unless.

I start to search through everything on Jackson's computer. I look at all the pictures and videos he has saved and then I read through his files. The name of the other boy appears a lot, Dallon Weekes. I have to find this Dallon, something tells me that Jackson and he were a lot more than friends and if that's the case then my parents have some serious explaining to do. I search through the computer some more and manage to find a phone number for Dallon. Its to late to call him now so I'll do it in the morning.

The sound of the doorbell ringing causes me to jump a bit. I quickly right down the number then put the computer to sleep and hurry out of the room and to the front door. When I open it I'm surprised to see Spencer there. judging by the look on his face he's surprised to see me too. "B...Brendon what are you doing Here?" he stutters looking everywhere but at me. "I live here. I should be asking you the that" I say. I don't mean to be rude to him but when I think about all the time he spent with my Ryan I can't help but feel a little jealous. "I uh... well... Jon asked me to meet him here..." Spencer says shyly. His face has turned bright red. Obviously something is going on between my brother-in-law and my classmate. That could be interesting to see how it develops. I open the door wider. "come on in then. He's in the living room." Spencer comes inside and looks around with his mouth hanging open. "Jon's in the living room. you're gonna have to wake him up since he kinda passed out." I explain.

Spencer turns around to look at me a worried expression on his face. "He passed out? is he sick?" he ask quickly. I shake my head and lead him to the loving room. "He was drinking when I got home. He's just drunk not sick"

"are you sure?" As soon as Spencer sees Jon he rushes over to the couch and kneels down putting his hand to Jon's forehead. I shake my head and walk out of the room giving them some privacy. So my brother-in-law is gay and there's a good chance that my brother was too. There's a lot I have to figure out. The sooner the better


	17. Apart

[Ryan's POV]

I lay on the top bunk of the bed and stare at the ceiling above me. Its at least three in the morning. I can't tell for sure because my phone is plugged in on the floor. I wonder if they have an extension cord I could use so its near me. I want to be able to answer it without hurting myself, which I've done twice now.

Every time it rings I jump to answer it hoping that its Brendon, and every time for the past four days I've been wrong. We've barely talked and when we do he seems distracted by something. I wish I could see him again. I miss him so much. I want to ask him to come visit again but I know he could get in trouble for it.

My phone buzzes and I lean over the edge trying to see the screen. "Its a text from Brendon" Pete whispers from the bottom bunk. I jump a bit, I wasn't expecting him to be awake. "can you hand it to me?" I ask. I can hear him shifting Patrick over then he sits up and unplugs my phone before holding it out to me. "why the heck is he texting you at fucking two in the morning?" Two? guess I was off. "I don't know" I reply before opening the message.

srry its late. can't sleep, thinking about how much I love you.

I can't help but smile as I read his text. It was simple enough but it made my heart swell and all my blood to rush to my face. I wonder if Pete can see it. I quickly type my reply and send it. Brendon loves me! I was worried he might just be saying it so it wasn't awkward between us but now I knew without a doubt that he loves me.

Pete clears his throat and I look up to see that he's still standing up watching me expectantly. "It was Brendon" I explain. He nods then sticks his hands in his pockets and stares at the floor. "I'm sorry." he says after a moment of silence. "Sorry for what?" I ask slightly confused. "snapping on you earlier I just... I have to protect Patrick. if we got found out we'd be sent to different foster homes and... well they aren't all this cosy." He runs his hand through his hair.

"Oh... yeah... no, don't worry about it man. I understand that. you probably noticed me and Bren..." now its my turn to feel awkward, interacting with people is definitely not my strong suit. Even with Spencer its sometimes a challenge for me. "yeah... that's cool. um I suck at sleeping at night. wanna grab a snack with me?" he asks shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "won't we get in trouble?"

Pete looks up finally. In the moonlight I can see the big smile that's spread across his face. Its one of the most amazing smiles I've ever seen. "don't worry about that. they take so many sleeping pills an elephant couldn't wake them up. I want pizza. Do you like pizza?" He asks. I smile down at him. I was starting to think he would never warm up to me. "Pizza sounds great" I say before climbing down. Maybe living here won't be so bad.


	18. Weekes

[Brendon's POV]

Dallon James Weekes born May 4, 1968. Palo Verde High School graduating class of 1987. That makes him 35 now, the same age Jackson would have been. He graduated from weber state college in Utah before returning to Nevada. It took me nearly a week to gather this information about him. My sisters wouldn't give me anything. Apparently this Dallon was a bad influence on Jackson, well whatever I'd managed to find it anyway.

I'm now outside an apartment that was his last known address. I check the paper in my hand one last time confirming that apartment 34B is the right one. What was I even going to ask him? Hey I'm Jackson's little brother where you his gay lover? hah! he'd probably slam the door in my face. I bet he doesn't even know I exist.

I raise my hand and knock on his door three times. If I waited much longer I probably would have chickened out, or someone would have called the cops... I've been here a while. "Just a minute!" A man's voice calls from the other side of the door. After a pause I hear the lock click and the door swings open and Dallon is standing in front of me.

He stares at me a confused look on his face. "I take it you're not the pizza guy?" he says looking me over. Here goes nothing. "no I um... I'm Brendon Urie" I say. A frown forms on his face and his eyes darken. "You need to leave or I'm calling my lawyer" he says starting to close the door. What? I move quickly managing to wedge my foot in the door. "wait don't make me leave please" I said. I needed answers and no one else would give them to me. "Look I haven't done anything to bother your aunt and uncle or whatever they are. so leave alright." okay that's really weird. "I'm Jackson's brother." I say. 

Dallon opens the door again and stares down at me. "Jackson doesn't have a brother" He says sternly. I can see that his conviction to send me away is wavering. "he didn't... I mean... my mom was pregnant when he died... she had twin girls... and then she got pregnant again and had me..." I start "look can I please come in? No one knows I'm here, I'm supposed to be at school." He sighs and steps back motioning for me to come in.

I walk inside the apartment and look around. Its obvious that a man lives here alone. I make my way to the couch and sit down making myself at home. I'm not leaving until I have the real story. Dallon goes to the kitchen. I hear the sound of a fridge open then the sound of a bottle opening. He comes back in with a beer in hand and sits across from me.

For a few minutes we just observe each other. If he was a few years younger I would have found him attractive, his hair is messy and hangs in his face and he wears a pair of skinny jeans that hang low on his hips with a black Dr who T-shirt. There's a silver ring on his left hand but nothing in the house indicates that he's married.

"why are you here?" He asks taking a swig of his beer. "For answers" I cross my arms "I'm not leaving til I get the truth." unless you call the cops then I'll run like hell, but he doesn't need to know that. He rubs his eyes and sighs. "the truth about what?" I roll my eyes. I'm pretty sure we both know there's only one reason I would have tracked him down. "Jackson" I say. I notice that he seems to flinch a bit every time I say the name.

He takes a long drink of the beer then sets it on the coffee table in front of him. "I'm sure your parents have told you all about their problem child." He scoffs. "Problem child? please they talk about him like he was the most perfect kid in existence." I tell him. Dallon laughs "you're pulling my leg right? god I don't think there was ever a time Jackson wasn't getting into trouble. He loved to do things that got on their nerves."

I bite my lip trying to process this. All these years they've said nothing but how amazing Jackson was. Could he really have been a troublemaker? Have I spent all this time trying to live up to a figment of their imagination. "what was he like?" I ask. I want the truth about Jackson.

Dallon sits back and closes his eyes. A faint smile shows on his face. "He was wild." he says fondly, "he'd get these crazy ideas in his head and he had so much charisma that he could convince anyone to do anything. Nothing could stop him once he set his mind the it. He loved to break the rules and the rush he got from it. But he was also the most caring person I knew. If you were his friend he would do anything for you. Hell if you asked him to scale mount everest and bring you back some snow from the top he would do it and say how it was a piece of cake. Of course he had flaws. He had a super short temper and if anyone said anything bad about him or his friends he would snap. Jackson was perfectly imperfect" he opens his eyes and I see that they've filled with tears. I feel bad for bringing up something that obviously still causes him pain but I press forward anyway. "His death" I say cautiously, "my parents told me he lost control of the car" He rubs the stubble on his chin and tries to blink back the tears.

"No one knows for sure... He was alone. Things got hard for him. He was doing things his parents, your parents didn't like. He thought it would be fun to rub it in their faces. To let the whole world know who he truly was, and they did everything they could to change him." Time for the big question. "What was it that they didn't like?" I ask. Dallon looks down at his hands, twisting the ring around his finger. "Jackson was Gay. We were dating and they hated it. They sent him to camps and doctors. They put him on all sorts of medications... He was so miserable... but he tried to hide it" he let's the tears flow freely down his cheeks, "he would put on a smile and tell me that he loved me. He said we would be together forever and that no one could keep us from being happy. He even asked me to marry him... and then..." He died. "and then what?" I ask even though I know the answer. "He broke a promise to me for the first time in our relationship. we would never be together forever or get married because... two weeks after he proposed he drove his car off a bridge. He committed suicide." Dallon cries harder and hugs himself.

I stare at the ground my head reeling. My parents hated the fact that he was gay so much that they pushed him until he killed himself. If they found out about Ryan would they do the same? Would they force me to change until I was so miserable I would be willing to leave my one true love. I look at Dallon with fear in my eyes. "I'm gay" I say, my voice almost a whisper. Dallon's head shoots up and he stares at me his eyes wide. "shit" he says. I nod at him then hold my head in my hands. They can never know I'm gay. Would Ryan still want to be with me if he knew that I could never come out.

My head is spinning and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I need air. I need to get away from here. I stand up quickly but my feet give out and I fall to the ground my vision going black. The last thing I think before I pass out is that I want my Ryan.


	19. Missed you

[Brendon's POV]

When I woke up I was laying in a bed with my knees pulled up to my chest. The room was dark and no light came in through the window. I must have slept for several hours. I push myself up and close my eyes trying to piece together what had happened. I remember that I was talking to Dallon and then just blank. What if he really was a bad person? What if he drugged me and thats why I passed out? No wait I didn't eat or drink anything. What if it was in the air and he had some sort of tollerance to it? Wait he had no idea I was coming. I need to lay off the spy movies.

I stand up slowly, not fully sure I can trust my body. When I'm sure that I'm not going to collapse again I go to the door and walk out of the room. Dallon's apartment is small and his bedroom opens right to the living room. He's sitting on the couch, with a blanket around his shoulders and a coffee mug in his hands, watching the tv intently. I don't even think he's noticed me. I have to clear my throat a few times before he looks up at me. "Oh hey you're awake" He pauses the tv then stands up and walks over. "Have a seat I'll make you some tea" I let him lead me to the couch and sit me down. He goes to the kitchen and I pull my knees up to my chest and look at the tv. Right away I see that he's watching dr who. 

"Are you feeling better now?" He asks holding another mug in front of my face. I take it from him and hold it between my hands. "I think so... I don't know what happened." I admit before I take a small sip. I wonder if he poisoned it, I think as I drink some more. Dallon sat down and put the blanket back around his shoulders. "I think you had a panic attack or something" He said shrugging his shoulders. I shook my head. That was nothing like the panic attacks Ryan gets, was it? Could that be what he feels every time? God thats horrible.

"I just... i just started to think you know... I'm gay... I love my boyfriend but what if my parents... what if they treat me like they did Jackson?" I say staring into my tea. Dallon sat back making himself comfortable. "They probably will if they were to find out." he says simply. I stare at him confused, he could at least try and cheer me up. "Gee thanks for the vote of confidence" I scoff at him. Dallon shook his head. "look It was different with Jackson okay. You can do this differently than he did" 

"How am I supposed to do it differently? I don't even know Jackson!" I yell at him exasperated. Dallon picks up his tea and takes a sip. How the hell is he so calm. "Jackson let his anger control the way he acted. Whenever his parents pushed him he pushed right back and it just got worse and worse until he couldn't take it anymore." I set my mug down on the coffee table and stand up. I need to see Ryan. "What are you doing?" Dallon asked looking up at me. "I need to see my boyfriend" I tell him "I'll be back or get in touch with you or something." I quickly leave his apartment and go down to my car and start driving.

My parents will never accept me. All this time they've told me lies about Jackson so that they could turn me into their idea of the the perfect son. I have to choose. I have to decide if I want to continue making them happy, do I want to sacrifice my own happiness to make my mom happy or do I choose Ryan. If I choose ryan than I'm choosing to be happy. We could find a way to be together. We could live together and I could wake up every morning to his happy smiling face. Just the idea of seeing him makes me all warm and bubbly. 

[Ryan's POV]

"Ryan Ryan wake up" I'm woken from my sleep by Pete. He shakes me a bit "Ryan wake up" I attempt to mumble something and swat his hand away. "Ryan" He says a bit louder. He hits me with a pillow and I sit up a bit. "what the hell pete?" I ask rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Pete holds up my ringing phone. Who the heck is calling me this late at night. I take the phone from him and answer it. "Hello?" I ask. "Heya handsome" Brendon's voice sounds way to cheerful for this time of night. "Brendon?" 

"The one and only" He sings. "Brendon... I love you but its like the middle of the night." I groan "what do you need?" Brendon chuckles and I can hear him shift his phone. "I'm outside" I blink and rub my eyes. "What?" I ask. "I'm outside" he repeats himself. I slide off the bunk and look out the window and indeed he is. His car is parked in the driveway. 

I groan. "You're going to get me in trouble hun" I say. "I know Ryan. I really needed to see you." I scratch my stomach and smile a bit. I don't even have to see him to know that he's making puppy dog eyes. I can't resist him. "Let me put some clothes on." I hang up the phone and grab some clothes pulling them on. Pete raises his eyebrow at me. "Brendon's outside" I tell him with a smile. 

Pete grabs my arm as I move to walk out of the room. "Ryan you need to be careful. If they catch you doing this you'll get in a lot of trouble." He says quietly. I smile down at him. "don't worry pete. go back to bed" He releases my arm and I quickly sneak out of the house. I barely even notice that i'm not wearing shoes as I run out to his car and climb in. Before I even have time to situate myself Brendon leans over and kisses me passionatly. I fumble with my door and pull it closed before climbing over the consol and onto his lap. Brendon wraps his arms around my waist and presses his face into my shirt. I realize he's trembling.

"Brendon? Brendon what's wrong hun?" I ask, stroking his hair gently. "I miss you" He says his voice muffled by the fabric of my shirt. "I missed you too Brendon" I say rubbing his back. "Can I say the night?" He asks. I bite my lip unsure. I'm sure that we can pull it off. "okay Brendon. sure. you'll have to park your car down the street so no one sees it." I climb back into the passenger seat. Brendon starts his car and backs it out of the driveway. He parks in the driveway of a house thats for sale. We both get out and start walking back to the house. Brendon stays close to me and intertwines our fingers. I bring his hand up and press kisses against his knuckles. He smiles at me a light blush visible on his face. I'm not sure what it was that made him come here but I love seeing.

Carefully we make our way into the house and up to the bedroom. Once the door is closed Brendon slips off his shoes and pulls his shirt off in one swift movement. I kiss his shoulder gently then watch him as he climbs up to the top bunk. As I begin to climb up I catch pete's eye. He shakes his head then turns his back to me holding patrick close to him. Brendon pulls me up onto the bed and wraps his arms around my waist. I pull the blanket over us and He lays his head on my chest. "sweet dreams" I whisper in his ear as I begin to doze off. "I love you" I hear him say as I once again fall asleep.

[Brendon's Pov]

Laying here in Ryan's arms I know that there is nothing I wouldn't do him. If my parents wont accept that I love him then I'll find some other way to be with him. It doesn't take long for the soft sound of his heartbeat lulls me to sleep.


	20. Found

[Ryan's POV]

I'm sitting on my bed watching as Patrick paces the room. I feel so comfortable here with Brendon snuggled up next to me, tracing circles on my stomach absently as he struggles to stay awake. Patrick's been ranting for a few minutes now and honestly I've lost track of what he's saying.

"Do you know how much trouble you could have gotten into?!" he asks giving us an exasperated look. "I'm sorry Patrick. I didn't know he was coming I wasn't just going to send him away after he drove all this way." I brush Brendon's bangs out of his face and he looks up at me with a goofy half asleep grin. I lean down and press a kiss to his forehead. "Ryaaaaann" Patrick whines. I roll my eyes and look at him. "We didn't get caught. That's what matters right?" Patrick crosses his arms and puffs out his cheeks. "Pete tell them that it was stupid." he says. Pete mumbles something from below us. I'm starting to wonder if he only sleeps during the day. "See Pete agrees" Patrick puts his hands on his hips. He's like a cute little kid I swear if I wasn't worried he'd bite I'd pinch his cheeks.

"No one saw us come inside and there's no school today so I can spend all day cuddling with Brendon. When they get home I'll say he just got here and he can stay till five." I say happily. Brendon snuggles closer to me and presses his face against my side. "Don't wanna go home" he mumbles. I run my hand through his hair. Something must have happened, I don't think he let go of me the entire night. "Patrick... do you think you could give me and Brendon a few alone?" I ask. I need to talk to him about this. "Brendon and I" Patrick says. I stare at him blankly and he rolls his eyes. "Brendon and I is the proper way to say it. You said me and Brendon." I laugh, god this kid is cute. "Okay okay Brendon and I" I correct myself. "Alright but I'm leaving Pete here. He won't wake up for at least two more hours." Patrick nods at nothing then walks out of the room.

I lay back down and wrap my arms around Brendon's waist and touch my forehead to his. He smiles at me. "Hey handsome" He says. His voice is groggy from sleep and it is really really hot. "Hey to you too." I want to wait for him to explain but I have a feeling he's not going to. "I love that you're here Brenny. You're really hot in the morning." I kisses his cheek, "but what's wrong? Why are you here?"

Brendon presses closer to me, if that's even possible, and tightens his arms around me. "I just need you right now" he says his voice trembling. "I'm always here for you Brendon."

[Brendon's POV]

What do I say to him? I press my lips against his hoping to stall for a few minutes longer. How do I tell him that I can't go home? That my whole life was a lie and that I'm so scared of what's going to happen next. If my parents find out they'll send me away like they did Jackson.

Ryan moves back a bit and looks at me expectantly. "I think I had a panic attack..." I say quickly. Ryan's gaze softens and he strokes my cheek gently. "What happened Hun?" He asks. "It... I went to see one of Jackson's friends... he was telling me all this stuff about Jackson and I... I don't know my chest felt really tight and I couldn't breathe and I just... I passed out... I woke up a few hours later." I say. Ryan holds me close and I hide my face in his shirt. The feeling of being in his arms is so nice. It makes me feel so safe and happy, so loved. God I love him so much.

An idea pops into my head and I push myself up on my arms and look down at him. "I love you Ryan" I say. Ryan smiles up at me. "I love you too Brendon." Sometimes I get these crazy ideas in my head sometimes. Ideas that normally I would never act on. But normal doesn't exist for me anymore. Now everything is different. I'm different and I'm going to act on the craziest and most brilliant idea that I've ever had. "Marry me Ryan Ross"

[Ryan's POV]

Oh. My. Fucking. God. I stared up at Brendon in shock. He wants to marry me? Me!? A life with Brendon. We could go to college together get a cute apartment and a puppy. I could wake up in his arms like this every day. Brendon looks down at me, a big grin on his face and his eyes filled with hope. I reach up and place my hands on his cheeks. He bites his lip a little bit of worry showing in his eyes. I pull his face down and kiss him. "Yes" I say against his lips.

"Yes!" Brendon sits up quickly and hits his head on the ceiling. He plops down on top of me holding his head. "Ow ow ow" he says with a smile on his face. He's so adorable I can't help but laugh and hold him closer to me. "Yes Brendon" I kiss him over and over again.

“You guys know you can’t get married without parent permission when you’re under eighteen” Pete grumbles from beneath us. Brendon puffs out his cheeks and chucks one of my pillows onto the bottom bunk. Judging by Pete’s grumbling it hit its mark. “Don’t ruin our moment you bum” I yell. Pete just laughs and the bed shakes as he rolls over. I’m probably not getting my pillow back.

[Brendon’s POV]

Even Pete’s interruption can’t ruin my mood right now. I know that we’re both young, but I would marry Ryan in a heartbeat. He said yes! He really really said yes! I nuzzle my head into the crook of his neck with a big smile, which I’m pretty sure is permanent, on my face. I love this boy so much. Ryan presses his lips against my forehead and everything feels so right.

We stay in bed for a while longer. Talking about our futures and catching up on the things going on in each other’s lives. I leave out the parts about Dallon. I’ll tell him eventually but I don’t want to do it with Pete in the room and he refuses to get out. (Even when I said we wanted to have sex. This made Ryan turn redder than a tomato). Neither of us checked out phones at all. We didn’t want to think about the fact that I would have to leave tonight. Eventually Patrick called for us and Pete told us we had to get up. When we all got downstairs we discovered that Patrick had cooked a huge breakfast for all of us. Pete and I had a contest to see who could eat the most and in the end we both had to admit that Ryan had us both eat. Where the heck does he put it all?

We cleaned up afterwards and all gathered in the living room to watch movies. Ryan and I sat on the floor in front of the couch with our arms around each other and our bodies pressed together. As the time passed I wanted to hold him tighter and tighter and never let go. About halfway through the nightmare before Christmas Ryan got a text. He took his phone out and read it. His face lit up and he untangled himself from me running for the door. “Ryan?” I called after him. The security system announced that the front door had opened and the three of us got up to go see what was going on.

[Ryan’s Pov]

As soon as I saw the text I got really excited. I jumped up and ran out of the house. “Spencer!” I yelled before jumping at him and hugging him tightly. He lost his balance and we both fell to the ground. We stared at each other with big grins on our faces before we burst out laughing. He returned my hug and held me tightly. “I missed you I missed you I missed you!” I said repeatedly as I buried my face in his shirt. He hadn’t changed at all. He still looked and smelled the same. The familiarity made me realize just how homesick I had been feeling. Not for my house or my parents (obviously) but for Spencer and school and all the places we used to hang out. I missed sneaking into his house in the middle of the night and hiding under blanket forts as we watched scary movies. Spencer is my best friend, he’s my brother and for as long as I can remember he’s been what home felt like.

Spencer kissed my forehead and rubbed my back gently. “I missed you too Ryro” He said softly. And just like that I break down. Tears start to spill from my eyes and I sob into his shirt. Spencer doesn’t question me; he just continues to hold me, rubbing my back soothingly. He really is the best. “Hey now. I didn’t come all this way just so you could cry on me the whole time.” He says. I look up at him and sniffle. “Sorry Spence… I just… I just felt really homesick when I saw you” I admit. Spencer smiles at me and sits up. He takes a packet of Kleenex out of his pocket and wipes my eyes then holds one to my nose. “Blow” he instructs and I do. “I swear you’re like a two year old. I don’t know how you survive without me” He says with a chuckle. “Dumb luck” I answer. We both start laughing again and he ruffles my hair.

[Brendon’s Pov]

I can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy as I watch Ryan and Spencer together. I know I shouldn’t. Ryan said that he would marry me and he wouldn’t have said that if he didn’t really love me. They’re just so comfortable together without even saying anything they both start laughing about something that I don’t understand. I have to remind myself that they’ve known each other for years. I’ve only known Ryan for a few months. Maybe one day I’ll be able to be as close to him as Spencer is.

Pete shakes his head at the two that are still sitting in the driveway and walks back inside pulling Patrick along with him. I lean on the railing of the porch and look everywhere but at the two. I notice a black sedan with tinted windows has parked in the grass across the street but no one has gotten out. I glance around nervously and wonder if maybe they’re waiting for someone. “Ryan Spencer we should go inside” I say. Spencer looks at me and frowns a bit before the smile returns to his face. “Hey Brendon I didn’t think you’d be here” He stands up and takes Ryan’s hands pulling him to his feet. “I spent the night” I say sticking my hands in my pockets.

Ryan hugs Spencer’s arm and pulls him up to the porch. “Now we can all hang out together right” He says. He’s got such a cute smile on his face that I can’t resist. I’ll play nice if that’s what it takes to make him happy. “Yeah that sounds great” I kiss his cheek and smile at Spencer. He smiles back but I can see the challenge in his eyes. Oh it’s so on.

[Ryan’s pov]

My foster parents decide not to come home. They call Patrick around five thirty and tell him so we decide to order pizza for dinner. Okay we didn’t decide, Patrick had barely finished explaining it to us when Pete was already on the phone ordering way more pizza than I thought we needed. When it got here we all sit in the living room once again and put another movie on. Today has been the best day in forever.

I’m sitting between my best friend and my boyfriend and I couldn’t be happier. Spence and I are the only ones left awake now. He yawns and checks the time on his phone, he leans close and whispers in my ear. “I’ve got to start heading home Ryro” He says. “nooooo” I whine before wrapping my arms around his neck. Spencer chuckles and kisses my cheek. “Don’t worry I’ll come back as soon as I have a chance.” He says. I pout at him. “I promise” He pokes my nose then stands up and stretches. “Okay. I’m going to walk you to your car” I hold my hands out to him. Spencer rolls his eyes then pulls me up. “Fine but you go right inside okay” I nod my head and we walk to the front door. Spencer slips on his shoes and then puts his jacket on. We go outside and stands next to the driver side of his car.

“I’m glad I got to see you today Spence. I’ve missed you so much” I say. Spencer puts his hands on my shoulders and smiles. “Me too Ryan. Next time let’s hang out alone like old times okay.” I nod my head. Spencer takes a deep breath and hugs me. I hug him tightly until he lets me go. “Be a good boy Ryro and maybe I’ll bring you some of my mom’s cookies.” I grin at him, his mom makes the best cookies ever. “I will” I promise. Spencer turns me back towards the house. “go inside before you get in trouble okay.”

 

“How would I get in trouble?” I ask looking back at him. He shrugs and gives me a shove towards the door. “Drive safe spencer” I say before walking towards the house. “Ryan!” Spencer yells after I’ve taken a few steps. His body slams into mine as the loud crack of a gunshot fills the air.


	21. Following

[Ryan's POV]

My head slams into the ground and my vision blurs. Everything seems to be spinning around. I can feel the weight of Spencer's body on my own. I hear a car door and footsteps. My body is numb. There was a gun shot. Did someone get hit? Did Spencer get hit!?

"S...Spency?" I manage to get out. He shifts a bit. He's still alive, thank god. "Shh don't make any sound" he whispers his lips next to my ear. My eyes feel heavy so I close start to close. Something is nagging in the back of the mind. Something about head injuries and sleeping. I'm too tired to remember right now. There's that car door again. Why did I have to be quiet? I close my eyes and let myself fall asleep.

[Spencer's POV]

The car peels off and I push myself up. ignoring the aching in my arm. Ryan doesn't move. His eyes are closed and his breathing has slowed. I sit him up and hold him close to me. His head droops to my shoulder. Shit. "Brendon! Someone help!" I yell. How did they sleep through a freaking gunshot!? "Pete! Patrick!" this is bad. He's hurt and its my fault. Pete comes outside and stares at us.

"What the fuck happened?" He asked running over to us and kneeling down. "His dad... Ryan's dad found him... he tried to shoot Ryan!" Ryan stirs a bit when I yell his name. I rub his back. "calm down Spencer and tell me what happened. Did either of you get shot?" Pete orders. I take a few deep breaths. "He was walking back inside... I saw the car pull up and the window rolled down... and and I saw the gun so I pushed Ryan down but his dad shot the gun... " I explain to him.

"Spencer did he get shot?" Pete asks sounding agitated. I'm doing my best to explain it here. I was just shot at can't he let me calm down first. Wait he's probably just worried about Ryan. "no... no he hit his head..." Pete looks relieved. "did you get hit?" I look at my arm and he follows my gaze to where my sleeve is turning red. "I think it just grazed me" I say. Pete takes a knife out of his pocket and moves closer to me. He cuts my sleeve and pulls it down and examines the cut. "you're right its not deep. wake Ryan up. don't let him sleep we're getting him to the hospital." With that he stands up and runs inside.

[Brendon's POV]

Once again I'm sitting in a hospital waiting room. If this keeps up they'll probably start paying me rent. Pete woke us up a few hours ago yelling that we had to go to the hospital and something about shooting. All I really understood at the time was that Ryan had gotten hurt.

Patrick is sitting on one side of me and Pete on the other. Spencer has been pacing since the doctor finished stitching up his arm. They told us that Ryan has to stay the night because he's got a concussion. Not to mention he can't be released without a guardian present. Patrick said their foster parents wouldn't be back until tomorrow afternoon. But Ryan's social worker was supposed to be here any minute.

"They're going to move him again" Patrick says suddenly. We all look at him. "why?" Pete asks. Patrick gives him a look that makes him look away. "they placed him in this home because it was far enough away that his dad couldn't find him. But now he knows where Ryan is so they'll have to move him somewhere safer." Patrick explains.

Spencer walks over and sits down on Pete's other side. He pulls his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around them. "How do you think he found him?" he asks hesitantly. "He probably followed you" Pete says with a shrug. Spencer looks horrified and Patrick leans over me smacking Pete's arm. "what? we all know that's the only way. think about it. Spencer comes for the first time and suddenly Ryan's dad shows up? he had to have been following him." Spencers eyes start to water and he puts his head on his knees. We all know that Pete is right. But he didn't have to say it out loud.

Apparently Patrick agrees because he gets up and grabs Pete's arm and pulls him to the other side of the room. He keeps his voice low but I can tell by his body language that he's not happy with Pete. I slide over onto Pete's abandoned seat and put my arm around Spencer. He leans into me and buries his face in my shirt. His body shakes as he cries quietly. "I'm not gonna be allowed to see him anymore. He's my best friend and I can't see him" he says between sobs.

"Now they'll definitely find his dad Spencer. When they find his dad then Ryan can go stay with your family." Spencer looks up at me hopefully. "How are they going to find him?" I hesitate. Hopefully this doesn't give him any ideas. "Because now they know he's following you" As soon as I see the look in his eyes I know I've made a mistake.


	22. Dreaming

[Ryan’s POV]

I pull into the driveway of our two story cottage and get out of the car. I stretch my arms above my head and take a deep breath of the brisk mountain air. A long time ago I used to hate the cold; I used to hate everything, but not anymore. I walk into the house and slip off my shoes. I can hear the sound of laughter from the back yard so I pass through the house. Pass the pictures hung on the wall of our family. My favorite is a picture from our wedding. Brendon and I stand side by side our fingers tightly entwined and our golden wedding rings shine in the sun. I’m laughing at something off camera but Brendon is looking at me like I’m the whole world.

I can see him outside now. He stands on the back porch with a mug in one hand. Our kids are playing with the dog in the yard. I walk outside and stand beside him; he wraps his free arm around me and tucks his face against my neck. He speaks but his voice sounds far away and I can’t understand him. “Hun I can’t hear you” I say. He moves away from me quickly and everything starts to fade. No, don’t go away. “Brendon! Brendon!” I call out reaching for him. Everything turns black and I feel very very cold.

I sit up quickly, my whole body shaking and covered in a thin layer of sweat. I take quick breaths and pull my knees to my chest. I don’t know where I am. The room is pitch black and cold, I can’t stop shivering. The panic has consumed my body. I start to cry uncontrollably. I feel so alone. Brendon, I need Brendon. “Brendon!” I yell his name over and over. I need him I need to know that he’s real that he’s not just a dream. A door opens and a woman runs over to me. She’s talking but I can’t hear her over the pounding in my ears. My vision blurs as I get to my feet and push past her. I stumble towards the door and barely manage to catch myself on the doorway. My knees are week but I make my way into the hallway.

“Brendon!” I yell once more. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to stand. “Ryan?!” I hear his voice and turn around. He runs towards me just as my legs give out. I fall and close my eyes waiting for the impact. Instead his arms wrap around me and he holds me close to him. He kneels down and holds me on his lap pressing numerous kisses to my face. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay Ryan. I’ve got you.” He rocks me and runs his fingers through my hair. I realize that I’m still saying his name, over and over. He puts his lips against my temple and for the first time since I woke up I can feel the headache. I press my face into his shirt and take a deep breath. “It’s okay Ryan” he whispers into my ear. “I’m not going anywhere.” I feel a quick pain in my arm and suddenly I’m tired, very tired. My eyes are too heavy to keep open so I let them drift closed and fall sound asleep, feeling safe in Brendon’s arms.

[Brendon’s pov]

I hold Ryan tightly as the nurse injects a sedative into his arm. In a matter of seconds he fall limp in my arms. “you didn’t need to do that.” I tell her. “I was calming him down.” She looks at me like I’m crazy. “He was fine without the drugs okay. I know what I’m doing” I stand up holding Ryan in my arms. His head slumps to my shoulder as I carry him back to his room. “Sir you can’t be back here, visiting hours are over” I glare back at her. “I’m not leaving him. He’ll panic again if I’m not there” I go into his room and kick the door closed with my foot.

 

They’re going to take him away from me again I know it. I lay him down on the bed. He shivers and grips a blanket tightly. I lay down next to him and pull him against my chest. What can we do? His social worker will take him away from me. I can’t protect him if we’re not together. Maybe… Maybe we can go somewhere on our own, away from all of this, away from his dad and my parents. Somewhere we can always be together. I run my fingers through his hair gently. “I’m going to protect you Ryan don’t worry about a thing.” I take out my phone and start preparing.


	23. The end ~part 1~

[Ryan’s POV]

 

I pull a pillow over my eyes as the sunlight streaming in through the window wakes me up. I’m not ready to get out of bed. It takes a minute for my brain to fully wake up and for me to notice that something isn’t right. The bed I’m lying in is comfortable and the sheets are soft and warm. The whole room smells good and not at all like a hospital. My stomach growls so I sit up and look around the room. Something smells really good, bacon definitely bacon. 

The room I’m in is neat, the bed is a full sized and has light blue sheets and a dark blue comforter. The room’s not that big but it’s cozy. There’s a desk under the window with a computer on it and a dresser with a flat screen TV. My shoes are sitting on the floor so I slip them on before walking to the door. I open it a crack and peek out. Two voices drift into the room; one is a male voice that I don’t recognize the other belongs to Janice. I wonder what my social worker is doing here. I step out of the room cautiously and look around. 

Janice notices me right away and comes over. “Ryan you’re awake” She says in a voice that is much too cheerful. A man comes out of the kitchen; he’s super tall and skinny, his brown hair sticks up every which way and he’s wearing an apron and glasses that make him look really nerdy. “Where am I?” I ask Janice. She smiles and leads me to the couch then makes me sit. “You should really take it easy okay Ryan. The doctor was really hesitant to release you from the hospital” She sits next to me. I’m totally confused now. The last thing I remember was having a panic attack and looking for Brendon. I hope I didn’t lose my memory. Of course knowing my luck I probably had. “I remember being in the hospital” I tell her “but where am I now?” 

“Oh dear, I’m sorry I forgot to explain” She says patting my arm. “While you were unconscious we decided that it would be best to move you to a new home. So here you are” I wonder if she like drinks sunshine in the morning or something. “So… I’m not going to live with Pete and Patrick anymore?” I ask. I really liked living with them. They made me feel like a normal guy with a normal life, except when I had to pretend they weren’t making out on the bed beneath me. Janice shakes her head “No you’ll be living here temporarily. Once the situation with your dad has been sorted we’ll try to find you a more permanent home.” She motions for the man to come over and he does, he sits on a beat up old arm chair and holds out his hand. “Hello Ryan” he smiles and holds out his hand. “My name is Dallon Weekes. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Who has he heard about me from? Janice barely knows me. “We got very lucky Mr. Weekes volunteered to let you stay here,” Janice chirps. I shake Dallon’s hand hesitantly. Why did he volunteer? Who is this guy? “Thanks I guess” I say quietly.

I cross my legs and play with my shirt. Well it’s not actually my shirt and the pajama pants that I’m wearing aren’t mine either. I’ll have to ask about them, they kinda smell familiar. They smell like Brendon. Brendon, I wonder where he is. Janice checks her watch. “Oh! I’m sorry Ryan I’m running late. I’m sure that Mr. Weekes can explain everything to you. I’ll be in touch if we get any information about your father. Also you’re allowed to make calls but you can’t have any visitors here and you need to stay indoors. I’ve already arranged for your teachers to email you your work for the time being. Some cops are going to talk to you at some point during the day.” 

I’m not sure if I like cops, but I guess I have to put up with it for now. “No visitors at all?” I ask, fidgeting nervously. Janice nods. “Yes I’m afraid that your father could be watching your friends. The police will explain it better when they get here. Please stay out of trouble Ryan.” She says before hurrying out the door. 

Dallon and I sit awkwardly in silence. I’m staring at the table but I can feel him watching me. It feels like forever but it’s probably only a few seconds before my stomach growls and interrupts the silence. Dallon chuckles and I can’t help but smile a bit. “Let’s get some food in that stomach of yours.” He says before jumping up and heading to the kitchen. I hesitate then get up and follow him, staying in the doorway. I watch him as he moves around the kitchen. “Um… Mr. Weekes” I say quietly. Dallon laughs and looks at me. “Okay seriously, just call me Dallon. Mr. Weekes makes me sound like an old fart.” He smiles. I nod my head a bit. “Why did you volunteer?” I ask. They must have told him about the shooting. Why would he be willing to put himself in danger for someone he doesn’t know?

“Brendon asked me to” He says putting two plates on the table. “Brendon?” I ask, my mood instantly changing at the mention of his name. I should call him soon. “Yeah, I’m uh… let’s just say I’m an old friend of the Urie’s” He says with a strained smile. I sit at the table and start to shovel food into my mouth. I’m not going to ask about that. If it was Brendon’s idea then I trust it. I know he wouldn’t send me to some weirdo. Well he’s still a little weird, but not in a creepy way. “Can I call Brendon?” I ask when I’ve inhaled all my food, Dallon chuckles and points at a phone on the counter. “Thanks” I get up and grab the phone then go back into the bedroom I was in before. I sit on the bed and dial Brendon’s number. I wonder if it’s weird that I memorized it so quickly. I lay back and hold the phone to my ear, eager to hear his voice.

“Ryan!” His voice comes through the phone loud and clear. I can’t help the big smile that spreads across my face. He’s so cute. “Hi Brenny” I say hugging a pillow tightly, I wish it was him. “Hi. How is everything? Are things alright at Dallon’s?” He asks. I can hear a door close on his end of the phone. “It’s alright. He made good breakfast…“ I tell him, “How do you know Dallon?” 

“That’s kinda a long story… He was close to my older brother Jackson” He explains quietly. I know that he doesn’t like to talk about Jackson so I decide not to press the subject. “I see… I miss you Brendon” I say quietly. He pauses for a moment. “I miss you two Ryan.” I close my eyes; even just the sound of his voice makes me feel so warm. “What are you doing right now?” He asks. “I’m lying in bed wishing that you were next to me” I admit, making him chuckle.

 

[Brendon’s POV]

 

“I’m lying in bed wishing that you were next to me” He says his voice low. I can’t help but chuckle, I know that he’s so innocent he doesn’t even realize what he’s saying. I wish I was with him too. “What are you wearing?” I ask. I already know that of course. I was the one that dressed him when he got to Dallon’s house, no I didn’t do anything to him that would just be creepy. “W…Why do you want to know that?” I can just imagine his face turning bright red. “Cause I think you’re sexy” I chuckle. I know he’s bright red now. “Brendon, don’t tease me” He’s pouting. “I’m not teasing you Ry. I wish I was their right now. Then I could show you just how much I love you” I whisper. His breath hitches and I know he caught my meaning. “Come over please Brendon?” He asks. I really really want to. I want to be with him. I want to kiss him and touch him. I’d go over there in a heartbeat if I could. But I can’t do that until I’m sure we can be safe together. “I’ll come tonight Ryan. I promise I’ll be there.” I will be there. I’ve wanted to be with him for so long I’m going to go crazy if I’m not. I’m sure I can convince Dallon to go to a hotel for the night so we can finally have some privacy. “I want you now Brendon” He says and I swear this man is going to drive me crazy. “Soon Ry I promise” He sighs and I can’t help but smile a bit. We both want to be together we just have to find a way to make it happen. 

“Ryan the police are here” I hear Dallon’s voice call out. “Why are the police there?” I ask feeling a little worried. “Janice said they wanna ask me about my dad” I can already hear his voice getting quieter as he’s drawing back into his shell. I wish I could hold him. “It’ll be okay Ryan. If you feel uncomfortable tell Dallon and he’ll send them away” I reassured him. He was quiet for a moment before answering, “Okay… see you soon Brenny?” 

“See you soon” I promised.

 

[Ryan’s POV]

 

I get off the phone with Brendon and take a deep breath. All I have to do is answer their questions and then they’ll go away. That should be easy enough right? It would be really nice to not have a panic attack today. Although I doubt I’ll be able to get out of this without one. I want Brendon to be here with me but I don’t want to keep begging him. I’m afraid he’ll think I’m clingy and not want me anymore. No matter how many times he tells me he loves me I’m always so worried. I can’t lose him. 

“Ryan?” Dallon calls out again. If I don’t go out there soon they may come in here. I walk out of the room and see two cops in uniform sitting on the couch. One of them sits back comfortably looking down at his phone, the other sits up straight his long brown hair tied back in a ponytail. The ponytail cop stands up when I approach them and holds out his hand. “Hello Ryan” He smiles “I’m Officer Beckett and this is my partner Officer Saporta. We’d like to ask you a few questions about your father.” I hesitantly shake his hand. When I let go he sits back down. I sit on a chair and pull my knees up to my chest. “What kind of questions?” I ask

“I have them written down” Officer Saporta takes out a small notebook and flips through it for a moment then sets it aside and pulls some other papers out of his pockets, Officer Beckett sighs and takes out his own notebook. They both look at the paper then start to ask me questions about my dad. Stuff like where he liked to hang out and what were the names of some of his friends. I answered them as best as I could but to be honest I didn’t know him that well. If I was home then I went right to my room and stayed there. 

That had been the rule since I was small. I wasn’t allowed to be seen and I wasn’t allowed to be heard. If I was lucky my mom would remember me and make me some food, then as soon as dad got home I had to go right back to pretending I didn’t exist. Not really the greatest childhood. It got better when I met Spencer though; his mom included me in everything and treated me like her own child. I don’t have too much longer until I’m eighteen but I hope that I’ll be able to spend the rest of that time with his family. They just have to find my dad first. 

Both of the police officers are really friendly and relaxed. Throughout their questioning they make jokes and tease each other. Their being so casual helps me to stay relaxed, that and the knowledge that soon I’ll be able to see my Brendon tonight.

 

[Brendon’s POV]

 

I pull into the driveway that my GPS indicated and see Spencer sitting on his front porch. He stands up as I turn off the car and get out. I’m really nervous right now. If something goes wrong I might never get to see my Ryan again. We’ll have to be very careful. I take out my backpack then lock my car and head up to the porch. “Hi” Spencer says after a moment of awkward silence. “Ready?” I ask him. He shakes his head then looks up and down the street. “Come inside. My parents are both out today” I follow him to the house and we both sit on opposite sides of the table. Spencer folds his arms on the table and taps his fingers. 

I take a deep breath. Everything will be okay, I keep telling myself. “You’re really willing to risk everything for Ryan?” spencer asks eyeing me. I nod “yes. I love Ryan and I want him to be safe” Spencer nods, “me too” He says. “You want him to be safe… or you love him?” I ask. I know that Spencer and Ryan are close. Even before I really knew Ryan I noticed that he was almost always with Spencer. “Both” Spencer looks down at his hands tapping faster now. “Oh” I wonder if Ryan knows how Spencer feels about him. If Ryan had feelings for him too would he leave me? I don’t like the idea that this boy could take Ryan away. “Yeah” He sighs.

I decide to take a chance and find out as much as I can. “Does he know?” I ask. Spencer chews shakes his head. “No. I was too afraid of being rejected to ever say anything… he always says I’m like his brother. I never tried anything until I found out about you and him.” He admits. Wait, he tried something? What did he try? “Tried what?” I asked fidgeting. Spencer looked up at me this time. “I kissed him” He shrugs then sits back. “He said that he didn’t like me that way so I told him I was just curious about kissing a guy. He left right after, probably to go see you” That makes me feel a little better. 

“So you’re not going to keep trying to get him?” I ask. I’m surprised he hasn’t thrown me out of his house yet. “No I’m not… I um… I found someone else” He admits, a blush spreading across his face. “Is it Jon?” okay the answer to that is totally obvious since Jon pulled him aside a few times while we were at the hospital and each time spencer would blush. I totally shouldn’t encourage their relationship since Jon is married to my sister and they have a kid. Of course my sister is also a heartless bitch most of the time and she did not age well. I’ve heard here talking to my other sisters and apparently her and Jon haven’t even slept together since high school. Not even on their wedding night, which I kinda understand since she was like seven months pregnant at the time. I’ve always wondered what seemed off about Jon. Now I know for sure that he’s gay. “its… um… I do really like Jon” Spencer says his face turning even redder.

“that’s cool. Jon’s a good guy” I tell him. Funny how he hasn’t mentioned Jon’s wife or his Kid. He does know about them doesn’t he? Whatever, it’s none of my business. Right now we have a lot more important things to be thinking about. Like how we’re going to trap Ryan’s dad. I take a binder out of my backpack and start explaining the plan to spencer. He listens nodding his head every now and then and only asking a few questions. Like me he’s willing to do whatever it takes for Ryan. 

When we’ve finished planning I change into some clothes that Spencer gives me and put up the hood of the jacket. He goes out in the backyard and makes sure that no one is around. Once he gives me the signal I leave and walk a few blocks away before calling a cab.


	24. The end ~part 2~

[Spencer's POV]

I'm not scared, I'm not scared. I. am. not. scared. Maybe if I say it enough times it'll actually become true and my heart will stop hammering in my chest. I can see him following me, keeping his distance so I don't think it's suspicious. I know he's never hurt me but after seeing what he did to Ryan... the idea that he's anywhere near me freaks me out. I don't want to lose my virginity to some creep!

okay calm down. I have to keep reminding myself that nothing is going to happen. We'll draw him out and the police will catch him. Ryan will be safe again and he can come to live with my family. If Brendon will let him now he knows how I feel about Ry. Oh god what if he tells Ryan. no no focus.

I take a deep breath and glance in the mirror as I turn the corner and head into the neighborhood Brendon instructed me to go to. The plan is that I draw him here. make him think that I'm going to see Ryan then we'll wait for him to get into the house and then call the cops. Piece of cake... I hope.

[Brendon's POV]

Where is he? I wonder as I peek out the window for the hundredth time in the past half hour. No I'm not exaggerating. I turn from the window and start to pace around the living room. Its been a long time since I've been in this house. My parents use it as a sort of summer home. There's a big pool in the backyard with a slide and a huge fire pit. We don't really come here as a family anymore. Judy once told me that it was Jackson's favorite place to go. Of course now I'm not sure I can trust anything they've said about Jackson.

The sound of a car door opening jolts me from my thoughts and I rush to the window peeking out. Spencer is getting out of my car and heading up the walkway. I make sure the curtain is covering me from sight as I scan the road for any sign of Ryan's dad but I don't see anything. Spencer rings the door bell so I walk over and open it. He rushes inside.

I step out onto the porch and take one more look around. Come on perv, take the bait. I go back inside and close the door leaving it unlocked. "Did it work?" I ask Spencer who has now taken my place of pacing around. "He was behind me on the way here... maybe he left?" he says nervously. I shake my head.

"we're not taking any chances. Come on" I hold onto his wrist and lead him through the house to the security room. He stares at the wall covered in monitors as I begin the check for any movement. "why are there so many cameras?" he asks. I shrug. "I think the house got broken into once or egged or something. my dad always goes to the extreme whenever he does something... there!" I point at the screen showing the backyard.

There he is. Ryan's father walks across the backyard not even trying to hide his presence. In his hand is a gun, probably the one he used the other night. I get up and lock the security room door. "you really think a locked door will stop him?" Spencer asks. I look at him and see that he's shaking. "its made of steal... there's no way he'll get through." I promise. "can we call the cops now?" I nod and press the red panic button. "the police will be here soon."

We both sit and watch the screens. He reaches the backdoor and tries it. when he finds it locked he shoots it twice before walking into the house. I wonder how many bullets he has. maybe he'll use them all before he reaches the security room. All we can do now is sit back and wait.

[Ryan's POV]

I'm going to go crazy. I know Brendon promised me that I would see him tonight but its technically been night for a few hours now. I really think that he was planning something stupid. after all he wasn't supposed to see me until my father was caught and he seemed so sure that he would be able to see me tonight.

Oh god what if he was planning on trying to catch my dad. what if something goes wrong and he got hurt. I feel the panic rising as I reach for the phone and quickly dial in his number. Please please be okay Brendon, I beg as the phone rings continuously. "please" I whisper.

The phone goes to voicemail and I hold my breath as I listen to his cheerful voice on the recording. "Brendon I need you" is all I can manage to say after the beep. I hang up the phone and pace around the apartment.

Dallon works nights so I'm all alone right now. Its not helping my nerves at all. Every small sound and creak of the building causes me to jump. I head to the kitchen and make myself a cup of tea hoping that it will help calm me.

As I lift the mug to my lips there's a loud knock on the door. I jump and the mug falls to the ground shattering. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. There's another knock so I carefully step over the glass and tea and go to the door.

I look out the peephole and almost squeal with happiness. I throw the door open and jump into Brendon's arms. He wraps me in a tight hug and presses a kiss to my lips. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back.

I could have stood there kissing him forever if someone cleared their throat alerting me that we weren't alone. Reluctantly I moved back from Brendon and looked over. I was surprised to see officer Beckett standing there looking embarrassed. "s...sorry" I manage to stutter as I shift my gaze to the ground. "its alright... um can we come inside?" He asked. I nodded my head then took Brendon's hand and walked back into the apartment.

When we were all situated in the living room, officer Becket on an armchair and Brendon and I on the couch, Beckett began to talk. "we've caught your father. my partner is taking him to the police station to process him." As my brain processes his words I feel like a hug weight has been lifted of my shoulders and I'm so happy I can't contain the big smile that spreads across my face.

I feel Brendon squeeze my hand and look at him. He presses a quick kiss to my forehead then looks back at officer Becket. "So Ryan's free now? he can do whatever he wants right." he asks. I lay my head on his shoulder and link out fingers together. Even if I had to stay hidden for the rest of my life I wouldn't mind as long as Brendon was besides me.

"Yes. he'll be able to return to school and go out whenever he pleases. As for the guardianship matter the smiths my apply for custody again and a judge will decide if that's possible" He explains. Brendon makes a face. I wonder what that's about. I turn my head towards him and bury my face in his neck. He smells so good.

Officer Becket is still talking but I'm really not paying attention anymore, I'm wondering if Brendon tastes as good as he smells. Its a really weird thought but I'm so giddy right now I don't even care. I press a kiss to his neck and feel him shiver.

[Brendon's pov]

What is Ryan doing? I mean I definitely don't mind him touching me but at the same time he's making me want to kick officer Becket out. Ryan shifts and presses closer to me. I cross my legs and attempt to look like I'm paying attention.

officer Becket looks between us and shakes his head. "look I'm sure you're both... tired. so I'll let you um... rest." He takes a card out of his wallet and sets it on the coffee table. "call me and I'll explain how everything is going to work with court and everything." he stands up and fixes his jacket. "thank you for everything" I tell him. He nods at me and heads out the door.

The second it closer Ryan moves his lips from my neck to my collar bone and nibbles on it. "Brendon" he says as he moves to straddle my lap. I put my hands on his hips and look into his eyes. "yes Ryan?" I ask breathlessly. "what's going to happen now?" he asks carding his hand through my hair. "whatever you want to happen love."

A sexy little smile lights up his face and he leans down so his lips brush against my ear as he speaks. "Want to know what I want?" he asks. I think my brain has stopped functioning. All I can do is nod my head. "I want you" he whispers. He nibbles on my ear and grinds against me. "oh god" I moan wrapping my arms around him and pulling him against me.

Ryan leans down and kisses me slowly. I don't know for sure what's going to happen in the future. The only thing I do know right now is that I will do anything and everything in my power to keep Ryan close to me.

[Ryan's POV]

I'm free from my father and now that I'm free all I can think about is what the future holds. no matter what happens I know that I'll be okay. no matter how hard it is I know that I'll always have Brendon. He's my escape. My one and only.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this chapters pretty short but I'll get them all posted as quickly as I can.


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